Easterners and their funny names July 28, 2013 Ngoni Dance MY THOUGHTS ON SUNDAY with CHARLES CHISALA LAST week I found myself locked in a light-hearted ‘quarrel’ with one of the ardent readers of this column via the internet. I had just demanded to know why my beloved cousins in Eastern Province have this strange propensity for giving their children the names of motor vehicle parts and makes. The reader, Sonnile Zulu, is apparently from the east because he or she accused me and Bembas in general of ‘misspeaking’ and ‘misusing’ English. Sure, BaSonny? Sonnile swore that the talk about easterners giving their children names of motor vehicle parts and makes is nothing but part of a smear campaign against her tribe (Ngonis) by the “malicious Bembas”. “Are you not the same people who sing ‘forward mama forward’ when you are actually moving backwards?” Sonnile said. BaSonny, I know that you people from the east are just jealous of our beautiful akalela dance. Is it a crime for me to advise my cousins to humbly ask the Bembas to donate some of their wonderful names to them? There is no need to name your children after motor vehicle parts and makes. Surely, how could loving parents name their innocent baby as Crankshaft Zulu? And there was a guy who appeared in a magistrate’s court a couple of years ago in Chipata. Even the magistrate could not help laughing when he was reading out the charge to the accused person. “Are your full names Radiator Phiri?” the magistrate asked as the courtroom erupted into laughter. “Yes, your worship,” Radiator answered. The magistrate hadn’t heard nothin’ yet! Three of the witnesses whom the prosecution called as State witnesses were Cylinderhead Ngoma, Steeringwheel Jere and Alternator Daka. I am told that those names are quite common in almost all the districts of Eastern Province. In fact, a reliable source confided to me that when President Sata went to Chipata Central Constituency last weekend to drum up support for Patriotic Front candidate Lameck Mangani some of the locals treacherously changed their names to escape taunts from their tribal cousins. For example, the source said, one Engine Daka suddenly started telling people to call him Justin Bwalya, while his cousin Startermotor Lungu became Evans Bwalya. And I know one taxi driver in Lusaka, Injectorpump Lungu, whose first born child is Ignition. He has even confided to me that his uncle, Sparkplug Mwale, has a son named Headlamp. These people do not have any sense of shame when it comes to names. One day I gave a lift to a couple from Lusaka West to the city centre. They had a three-year-old boy whom they introduced to me as Indicator Daka. I have heard of a headman of some village in Katete district whose name is Wiperblade Tembo. His second born child is called Dashboard. Now they have even extended their innovation to motor vehicle makes. I have already heard of Spacio Daka, Alteza Njovu and Ipsum Mwanza. My question to you, my dear cousins, is why are you obsessed with motor vehicles? Can’t you people find better names to give your children? And why do you give these funny names mostly to male children? It is not fair, you know. If you have run out of names just be humble enough and ask us to donate some to you. The manufacturers of the motor vehicles whose names you are giving your children will start taking you to court for violating their patent rights. I don’t want to hear anyone bearing the name Piston, Flywheel, Sprinter or Caldina. daily-mail.co.zm/breaking-news/18258
Posted on: Sun, 28 Jul 2013 05:40:06 +0000
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