EditMethod 1 of 3: Notice What Your Friend Says 1 See if your friend makes supportive comments. A true friend should make you feel needed, confident, and better about being alive. If your friend is always putting you down or making you feel worthless and never give you a kind word when you need it, then that friend is not true blue. If you want to know if your friend is a good friend, see if she makes comments that encourage you. See if your friend compliments you. If your friend gives you genuine compliments from everything from your new outfit to your work ethic, then that friend is a good friend. If you cant remember the last time your friend complimented you, you may have a problem. See if your friend encourages you. If your friend encourages you before a test, job interview, or even a first date, then that friend is a true friend. If your friend never gives you positive support, even when you need it, then you may have a problem. See if your friend is your cheerleader. Though your friend doesnt have to always cheer you on, if your friend is a good friend, then she should be your fan and should always root for you to succeed, no matter what you do. 2 See if your friend listens to you. If your friend is a true friend, then she should take the time to listen to what you have to say. In a true friendship, both people should be sharing their thoughts and getting feedback. If you find that your friend is always talking about his problems, but is bored or distracted as soon as its time for you to share yours, then you may have a false friend on your hands. Here are some signs that your friend needs to brush up on his listening skills: Notice how your friend reacts when you try to share something. If he nods, maintains eye contact, and supports you, then he is a good friend. However, if hes looking around the room or checking his phone every time you talk for more than five minutes, then you have a bad friend on your hands. Notice if your friend remembers what you say. A good friend will remember what you tell him, especially if its something important. Your friend might have looked like he was listening when you told him something, but if he has no recollection of the time you told him you were thinking of applying to law school or telling your close friend that you have feelings for her, then he probably was never listening to begin with. Notice who does most of the talking. In an ideal friendship, both friends should roughly share the same amount. If you feel like you are always the one listening to your friends problems, then youre not getting your fair share of the friendship. 3 See if your friend communicates with you. Communication is key in any relationship, especially a friendship. If you and your friend are on the same page, then you should be open about your thoughts and feelings and maintain a level of honest and open dialogue. Here are some ways to see if you and your friend are communicating: If you feel like you can easily share your thoughts and feelings with your friend. If your friend know whats going on in your life and you feel comfortable talking about it and being honest, youre in good hands. If you feel afraid to tell your friend how you feel because youre afraid shell disapprove or be angry, then youre not communicating. If you feel like you know what your friend is thinking and feeling, then your communication is strong. If your friend surprises you with how shes feeling, or shares her feelings with everyone but you, then you have a problem. If you know how to have a mature talk when youre unhappy with how your friend acted, then you have strong communication. If you and your friend are comfortable with saying, Hey, I was really hurt that you didnt come to my party the other night and talking about it, then you have a strong friendship. No friendship is perfect and its important to talk things out. If you never say anything when your friend upsets you because you think your friend will overreact or not listen, then you have a problem. 4 See if your friend loves to gossip a little too much. If your so-called friend is a big gossip, then its likely that your friend is gossiping about you when youre not around. Though everyone loves some juicy gossip occasionally, if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about someone or talking trash, then chances are, your friend will do the same as soon as your back is turned. Here are some ways to know if your friends gossiping is out of control: If your friend talks about someone as soon as that person turns around, then the friend is probably not a good friend. If your friend routinely talks about people he claims are his closest friends, then he must be doing it about you. If your friend is always saying negative things about everyone who isnt around, then this is a bad sign. If you know that your friend has gossiped or trash talked about you, especially on multiple occasions, then your friend is not a true friend. EditMethod 2 of 3: Notice What Your Friend Does 1 See if your friend makes time for you. A true friend will make time for you no matter what. Though life is hectic and its hard to have enough time to sleep and eat, let alone socialize, a true friend will always make time for you, especially if you need it. Heres how to know if your friend truly cares about making time for you: If your friend is good about scheduling phone dates, lunch dates, or dinner dates and always follows through, then you have a good friend. If your friend never makes time for you, always complains about how life has been crazy busy, and expects you to work around his schedule every time, then you have a problem. If your friend seems to make plenty of time for his significant other and five other friends, but never you, then you are a last priority. Your friend could be going through a busy period in his life, and thats okay. But if your friend is always too busy to hang out, then he must not value your time together. 2 See if you have a 50/50 friendship. In an ideal friendship, both people put the same amount of effort into the relationship, whether its communication, making the time to hang out, or just helping each other out weekly through small or large gestures. If youre giving your all to the friendship, then your friend should be reciprocating. Heres how to know if youre both pulling your weight in the friendship: See if you both show affection. Though not everyone is a hugger, if you give your friend a hug, he should hug you back and initiate a hug. If you feel like you spend a roughly equal amount of time supporting each other, then you have a solid friendship. Though one of you may be going through a rough patch, overall, you should spend an equal time cheering each other on. If you feel like youre always trying to make your friend feel better but are getting nothing back, then you have a problem. If you both help each other out equally, then you have a good friendship. Maybe you took notes for your friend when he broke his hand, and he returned the favor by treating you to dinner and a movie and getting you tickets to your favorite concert. Whatever youre doing for your friend, you have to make sure hes helping you out, too. If you both make a similar effort to hang out, talk on the phone, and get in touch, then you have a good friendship. If you feel like youre always the one who tries to hang out or chat on the phone and your friend never asks to hang out, then you have a problem. 3 See if your friend sticks to his word. A flake is not a friend. If your friend never seems to do what he says hell do, leaves you stranded, or forgets about plans youve made, then you have a flake on your hands. Though its okay to waver occasionally, if your friend never seems to do what he says hell do, then he doesnt value your time or company. Heres how to know if your friend is a flake: If your friend bails on you more often than not then your friend is a true flake and should be avoided. If you always feel like your friend is wishy-washy about making plans and is never fully committed to anything he says hell do, then hes a flake. If your friend flakes on you on any occasion, even if its important, then you have a problem. Though bailing on you to go to the movies is annoying enough, if your friend leaves you stranded on what was supposed to be a double date, or flakes when you needed a ride to your basketball game, then you have a major problem. 4 See if your friend might have other reasons for being your friend. This soul-searching is particularly hard to do, but its important. Take the time to reflect on why your friend might want to hang out with you other than just because he values you as a person and enjoys your friendship. Here are some classic reasons why a fake friend might latch on to you: Popularity. If youre much more popular than your friend and your friend latches on to you to get closer to the in-crowd, then you have a problem. Convenience. Your friend may only be hanging out with you because you give your friend a ride to school or let him copy your notes. Boredom. Your friend may be hanging out with you just because he has nothing better to do. Youll be able to recognize this because your friend may ditch you as soon as he finds a new friend or group of friends, or even a significant other. EditMethod 3 of 3: Notice How Your Friend Makes You Feel 1 See if your friend makes you feel good about yourself. Your friend should be there for you no matter what, and should therefore make you feel better about who you are and the decisions you make. Your friend doesnt have to agree when everything youve done, but your friendship should make you feel good about who you are as a person overall. Heres how to know if your friend makes you feel good about who you are: If leave a hang-out session with your friend feeling invigorated, excited, or just giggling from the silly time you shared, then youre benefiting from the friendship. If every time you say goodbye to your friend, you feel like you made a mistake, upset your friend, or like youre a worse person, then you have a problem. If your friend is putting you down to make herself feel better, then you have a problem. If your friend makes you feel bad by making snide comments about your looks, your weight, or your grades, then that friend isnt a true friend. If your friend makes you feel good about your good or brave decisions, or sympathizes with you over your bad decisions, then you have a true friend. A true friend should support you even more when youve made a mistake instead of making you feel worse. 2 See if your friend makes you feel valuable. If being involved in a friendship with your friend makes you feel uncertain of your importance in your friends life, then you have a problem. While a friend shouldnt coddle you with lies, a true friend should always make you feel needed, important, and even indispensable. Heres how to know if your friend makes you feel needed: See if your friend expresses gratitude for things youve done, thanks you regularly for helping him out, and appreciates what youve done for him. A true friend is grateful for your help; a bad friend doesnt thank you because he just takes you for granted. See if your friend values your judgment and opinions. If your friend cares about you and thinks youre an important part of his life, then he will ask for your advice and opinions. If your friend never cares what you think about anything, whether its which movie you should rent that weekend or his decision to find a new roommate, then you have a problem. See if your friend is genuinely excited by your presence. If you show up to a social event and your friend hugs you, talks to you, and says hes glad you came, then hes being a good friend. If you show up somewhere and your friend barely says hello or flat-out ignores you for cooler people, then you have a problem. 3 See if your friend makes you feel happy to be hanging out. This is an important one. Friendship is about making you feel less alone and to enjoy life even more, and it shouldnt make you feel less excited about the world. If youre actually less happy hanging out with your friend than you are when youre alone, then you have a problem. Here are some signs that your friend makes it hard for you to spend time with her: If you dont look forward to hanging out with your friend because all she does is talk about herself and use you as a follower, then you have a problem. If you dont like hanging out with your friend when youre with other friends, family, or your significant other because she just cant get with anyone, then you have a problem. If you dont like hanging out with your friend because you just dont feel stimulated, excited, or engaged with the friendship, then you have a problem. Every person has a rough patch. You may not have as much fun hanging out with your friend when shes dealing with a tough breakup, but if you feel like your friend is always going through a crisis and you cant enjoy yourself because youre too busy picking up the pieces, then you have a problem. Youre a friend, not a box of tissues. Remember to go with your gut. If youre even questioning whether your friend is a true friend or not, then theres a good chance theres a major problem in your relationship. No relationship is perfect, and bumps are bound to happen, but be realistic.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 00:52:33 +0000
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