Eight Weeks on (half dose) T; Happy Monthiversary to Me! I realized today: I Care About Myself. This is a new thing. There are so many benefits of T, to me personally that listing them all seems like gloating. What do I notice the most? Or How to best summarize the way my decision to embrace my hybrid nature has positively effected my entire life? The little things that add up to that big thing are blindingly apparent, in retrospect. As the post big-fall Dyke or The Hermit, as I like to call her, I had shut myself away from the world, wore shabby sweats or your basic unattractive on me clothing, Most Of The Time; I only Grudgingly took any efforts to wear makeup maybe 3 times in 10 years, I hated shopping for clothes, because I was Fat... or anything, because I was unhappy. I hated being around beautiful women, because they made me feel bad that I wasnt getting it right... that whole girl game. I didnt take care of my fitness or appearance. 11 years of this barely eeeking through day to day, my just living in the sack, but not caring for it. And the worst? A decade of listening to people telling me I could be so pretty IF....fill in the blank, and me Hating them for that, so withdrawing myself from most social events. SO NOW: I care deeply about my body. I am working to get it fit and muscular so that I can have a happy end of life run, carving life sized chunks of marble and alabaster, and working on huge paintings; and having the strength to do all these things well. I suddenly care about grooming and fashion and WAIT FOR IT... Skin products! What? Suddenly, I care about my pores. ha ha ha ha. Anyone who has known me for any amount of years just fainted. Suddenly I also give a shit enough about me that I think... maybe I could allow someone else inside my brain and heart... maybe. Still just maybe. I am still working on that level of self care. But I am about 1000 times closer to sharing myself than 8 weeks ago when I would Never Consider Being Intimate again... like never in my life. Testosterone is Definitely My New Black...Tuxedo; and it feels and looks good on me. -the ecstatic Raw Hybrid
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 17:35:26 +0000
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