Entry #19: People like to discount what happens to others. Unless they have been there, they are working on assumptions. They would like to think that God is dead and angels dont exists and our ancestors are now defunct into nothingness. I know better. Not long after Steves death I was noticing signs that represented his life. I was having dreams of him and I would talk to his mother about them because she was having them too. I was seeing him as an observer, a student. I would see symbols from the collegve he attended in Idaho, the football team logo he adored, and a love letter. I was moving furniture around when I was cleaning my apartment and found a letter he had written when we were in Phoenix. There was no reason for it to be tucked under the recliner because I had packed them all into a box together. It hangs in my kitchen today to remind me that there are always promptings from the other side. Jorie: I told you the other day that you haunt me in a good way. I want to explain further.. I think of you contstantly. I cant get you out of my head - even if I would want to. You are there constantly. Sometimes I feel you protecting my back, sometimes you are smacking me in the front. But you are always there with me. I love to look at you. See you inner and outer beauty. I look at you every chance I can get. I love you, Steve You cannot tell me love stops at the grave. I have to acknowledge him as a guardian. He guides me to experiences that I need for my learning whether I think they were what I wanted or not. In my reading I believe I found the secret of healing from grief. Acknowledge that we are not forgotten by those who pass before us. We are loved and not separated except by mortality. We are all okay. I was accused of not letting Steve go and letting another love into my life. I know that there is more than enough for everyone who graces my path. The last step in healing is acceptance. Acceptance is forgiveness. All the things I had been angry about before his death faded away as I understood the artificial boundaries we put on ourselves and each other. I realized that it was not my job to make someone else happy, it comes from within. My self worth is not contingent on someone elses perception. Over time, the last 3 years, I have learned to recognize promptings and some are very strong. The Mercyme song, I can only Imagine comes when I need to expect something amazing. I am grateful. I have also come to realize that Utah was not an accident. The relationships with my family, the friends I have made and the clients I cultivate have been enhanced with spiritual blessings. It seems that everyday I have a conversation where a phrase is used and then I hear it again. That is a message to pay attention, learn it now. Resistance is futile because no matter what scenic route you take, the result is the same. I can make an agreement with struggle or I can make an agreement with peace. The choice is mine.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 20:11:16 +0000
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