Exeter Council guidelines for contractors: 1) Priory Gardens, and anywhere within earshot of the aforesaid, MUST be provided with a constant supply of power-tool noise. Should there be no municipal works to be carried out in this area, contractors are encouraged to stomp around the the area in heavy boots, looking for things to do, and shouting as loudly as possible at each other in the process. 2) Contractors working in Priory Gardens and the surrounding area must use their loudest and most ear-splitting tools in the earliest possible extremity of the morning. This will save the residents from the need to buy alarm clocks, and aid conservation of the water supply by ensuring that residents are never in their beds long enough for their sheets to need washing. 3) Intervals between the use of power tools must be kept as short as possible. Workmen must, during these intervals, bellow at the top of their lungs to their colleagues. Said colleagues may be less than a metre away, but one cannot trust the air, and bellowing will ensure that no portion of the communication is snatched by the wicked sky. 4) Contractors are encouraged to set off car alarms, get into shouting matches with pedestrians, sing, guffaw, break glass, and attract the most shrieking of seagulls with snacks. Failure to liberally split the welkin with an early morning cacophony shall result in loss of contract.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 08:53:25 +0000
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