Facebook family and friends. It comes to me again, time for another domestic violence speech. This time I dont have personal reasons for not going on to the platform but chickenitous Couldnt find the strength or the courage myself to go before an audience of people and speak!! I really felt that I couldnt take it ! I hope you guys understand when Im up there and speaking as l speak I actually relive my hell! All over again! As promised I will post my speech up in hopes that it will be read. So I want to thank you for reading this far!! I am no longer a victim of domestic violence we will find out that I am strong Im a good person I am scared but Im not scared to admit that I have courage I also have feelings I get angry at times I have cried and still to this day I cry many sleepless nights. I have needs I also have dreams I have hope and Im proud to say I am a survivor! I wish all you ladies and gentlemen have the courage to stand up for yourself and your beliefs and no longer be the victim but become a survivor become the person and live the life that you deserve When you are with your abuser that person is supposed to be the person you most love you trust People including your family friends and just people in your surroundings will hardly ever understand why one will not just get up and walk out the door! some things are easier said than done! Only one knows the hell that they live in. in my case the times that I would walk out and try to leave my significant other always found me my beatings would get worse my punishment would become that I couldnt see my family anymore. Which is pretty sad because I was hardly ever around them any way the imberestment and not being able to cover up your bruises or the sadness in ones eyes I distance myself I no longer had friends. I found out that I would actually believe all that he would say. Your no good you worthless cant do nothing right followed by every bad name in the book. Its sad because he really made me feel like that! As smart as I am I actually believed him. In my personal opinion the verbal abuse was worse than the physical! getting dragged by my hair and tossed around like a rag doll was not as bad as half the crap he told me!! One of my worst beating was a few days before Thanksgiving. were at his family ranch the ranch consisted of the main house a sons house and a guest house as a custom the whole family was outside gathered by bomb fire loud music and drinking. I remember my son 11 n daughter 9at the time getting tired so my loving mother in law told me I should lay my kids down in the son house so being tired I did. I layed my son at my feet and my daughter in my arms on a living room couch. Asleep I heard the door open hear some steps and for closses again. I would later find out it was his nephew. He had bn sent for blankets. Few minutes later my hubby comes in and says he needs to speak to me so I half asleep got up n made sure my kids are covered n start towards the door He pushed me so hard on my back that I lost my balance and fell he helped me up he grabbed my hair and threw me (115 pds 53 him 67 280pds) against the outside wall his yelling of you wanna f*** him in front of my face got the others attention by the time they ran over there he had threw me on the floor his knees on my shoulder he was punching me repeataly in face I could see anything the dirt had turned to mud with my blood! As he got up he kicked me. After they finally got him off of me. His sistern laws took me into the house n i could hardly walk. I could not see anything which scared the hell out of me. My eyes where open. Hearing his nieces crying and mumbling on how bad my face was. I knew i would not be able to cover it up. As i was washing my hair out i started bleeding the feeling of jus gettin a bad beating that had left me with an elephant face was not as bad as feeling of my stomache crapping so bad. I ended up miscarring n 2 broken ribs and disfigured face! All 4 days before a custody hearing for my sons! Talking about some luck! Huh??? Some are probably asking did he go to jail? Did I get away? No no no I ended up in Ojinaga Mexico. At da drs there he n his family figured it was better that way. I did aswell it was more believable that I had a BAD FOUR WHEELER ACCIDENT out there than going to hospital in town!!! I at that time i tought it was the best thing to-do. How was I supposed to explain that to the court!! As a victim we try to cover things up make up excuses for the abuser to get away with he does. To me it was more to hide the imberesment and not let people kno what was happening to! Before this particular beating it was slapped in the face push here and there. followed by I love you in Im sorry It wont happen again. Well it did a lot I took years of this I lost myself and my kids. I lost everything! I felt alone week and scared. I had no reason to live anymore. I never tried to commit suicide but I would lay there at night and thoughts of killing him in his sleep were always there. When they cut you down they want to put you in there level. Beside that are the ones worthless and piecesof shyt u get brain washed to believe just that. Being week alone and scared we believe just that! We loose our self cofiedience n our beliefs. We feel thats what we deserve and we take that. Which no one should Think about it You have a pet cat or dog You love this pet If you love your pet why would you pick it up and their up against a wall n beat it up??? When I left my marriage n my abuser it was when he finally beat and poisoned me to a wheelchair wit a baseball bat. Not goin into deep details but that was did it to get out When I woke up in a hospital with my kids on each side of me my ama apa and my aunt at my feet seeing their look of disappointment on thier faces and My kids crying I couldnt tell which was worse their look or not being able to feel from my waste down! My councillor was my guardian angel.. I used to call a hot line after my beatings and he would finally fall asleep she stood always answer and she would listen she would cry with me and she promised she would find me and take me from HELL and she did just that! Cant say she found me late but it was better than never!!! theres so much help out there and people who care! No one should have to go thru any of this!! Get out get help walk away Dont waste your time looking back on what you leave behind or what youve lost MOVE ON for life wasnt meant to TRAVEL BACKWARDS You never kno how STRONG YOU ARE until being STRONG IS YOUR ONLY OPTION!! Im closing this with a prayer for all of us MY PRAYER Glad I may not understand how everything will work out but I trust you I dont see a way but I know you will make a way I have faith that at this very moment you are touching Hearts opening doors and lining up the right breaks and the right opportunities things may look dark and very bleak now but I have trust and faith that my dawn is coming and I will have many sunny days to come!!! Thank you For those who took the time to read this! Lets not judge people for we dont know what hell they are in! But help them out
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 21:22:40 +0000
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