Fair Warning: the seemingly beautiful picture of my fresh baked cookies cooling on the rack is a HOAX. I post this as a WARNING for those of you who want to attempt cookie baking before Christmas. (Sigh) I wish someone had told me... My cookie experience went as follows: 1) Mix cookie dough. Crap. Quickly head into town to get baking powder you thought you had in your cabinet and finish the dough. Place in fridge for ONE HOUR. 2) Place coconut on a baking sheet and put in the oven and watch it. Ten minutes later, the coconut is still white as snow. Decide blog lady is wrong and turn on the broiler. Glance away at your phone and make ONE quick text to your mom. Take charred coconut out of the oven two minutes later. Explain to kids that the smoke alarm is YOUR fault, and it will go off on its own. 3) Grab a chair and reach up to the smoke alarm and smack it with the heel of your hand five times, while blowing air on it. 4) Show daughter how to melt chocolate in the microwave. Sigh. Explain to daughter that 60 seconds isnt the same as six minutes. Give her the spoon and tend to the smouldering stove. 5) Look over at the bags of caramel. Wince. Theyre next for the microwave. 6) Survey the massive flour bomb that detonated in your once descent kitchen. Listen to squealing daughter stir melted chocolate and sing about how easy baking is. With tongs, gently remove coconut still smouldering from the lightly toasted coconut baking sheet. Hum a tune while deciding blog ladys fate. 7) Pull the lump of dough out of the fridge. Roll it with a rolling pin and reminisce about your grandmother. Look at your daughter and decide this is kinda worth it. 8) Gently pull your stuck left shoe from the floor. 9) Use your new cookie cutters to cut tire-size shapes, bake and laugh, since only 23 could fit on the blasted sheet, and you realize how bad your OCD problem has become... 10) Look at the time, and kiss your only kitchen helper goodnight as she heads off to bed. High five your son who KNEW BETTER than to attempt the kitchen tonight in the midst of the feminine madness. That boy will make a great husband someday... 11) Return to the scene of the crime. Think of new curse words that begin with the letter F. 12) Pull hot cookies from oven and place them on cooling rack. Read the part about how theyre supposed to cool before proceeding further. Look at the time. Wince. 13) Once cool, dip bottom of cookies into melted chocolate and wait for chocolate for... you GUESSED it... another hour. Decide that blog lady should die by cement, so she can set aside for an hour and see how SHE likes it. 14) Look up YouTube vid on how college kid chef spits out same recipe in less than an hour, and pick up some shortcuts. 15) Look at the clock. Make suction noises as you walk across the kitchen floor with your left shoe. Throw the mess into the sink, Martha Stewart aint coming over. 16) Take winning shot of your 23 cookies. Walk to bedroom. Leave left shoe where it sticks in the carpet. Throw yourself on the bed, and try not to think about the other roll of dough still in the fridge. Yep, thats right Amy... you doubled the recipe idiot. GUESS WHAT IM DOING TONIGHT?!?????? ((faints)) Merry Christmas!
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 15:09:04 +0000
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