Fan post:it is an interesting life,with Bipolar 1 GAD,I have just watched the 1st program in the Bedlam series,it was all about anxiety,supposedly anyway,it seemed to be about OCD & anxiety & also about controlling thoughts,so therefore it was about modalities such as CBT NLP etc. manifest as anxiety/panic,rather they manifest as the phenomena known as Bipolar Rage,it is the other side of the flight(panic/anxiety) or fight(rage & anger,battle readyness)I have had it manifest as panic & anxiety,but due to my firm & fairly authoritive grasp of cognitive programming modalities & my overly analytical nature,had been able to break these problems down to their nuts & bolts & face the issues,I had anxiety about,so stopping the anxiety,however the underlying biochemistry doesnt change. This has proved very difficult to manage,it is such a primeveal part of our biochemical/biological makeup,that it is very VERY difficult to overide,think PMS times 10 & you get some idea,you cant stop the irriability,even being aware of it & trying to combat it doesnt stop it from driving your behaviour.It ends up with you being short & annoyed at people you interact with(& care about)to a level that is unfair,this starts to make you feel that the world & your family & friends would be better off not having you around,so you isolate yourself from people,so that they dont have to see you when you are excessively grumpy,& this also feeds the It would be better for all concerned if I just got on with the plans to commit suicide meme. Upon being diagnosed as Bipolar 1 at the age of 25,there was a feeling of horror at having just been locked up in the NUTHOUSE,(which had been one of my greatest fears, trained in Wado-Ryu Karate in Stanley Royd Psychiatric Hospital,my Sensei Mick Firth worked there,I believe he was a psychiatric nurse,tho I could be wrong about that.I had seen the patients on the long stay psychiatric wards looking out at us as we trained,twitching & drooling,& I remember thinking How much I feared ending up in a place like that). So the 1st person whom I faced the stigma of poor mental health in,was in fact myself(I still havent entirely beaten that problem,I know intellectually that this problem would level any of the people I know,most of them would have sucumbed & taken their own life already,However I feel that I ought to be able to beat it & overcome the problem.) but there was also a feeling of relief at finaaly having some reason for all the hateful thoughts I had,& finally a reason for the almost constant intusive thoughts about suicide.I have learned a great deal about Bipolar disorder in the 22 years since that diagnosis & in fact have learned to manage this disorder in a manner that is unrecognisable to all but the most emminant & openminded Psychiatrists(Thank god for Dr Trevor Turner,a truly great psychiatrist whos care I was under for those 22 years)He has now retired & I was faced with seeing his very poor replacement,I wont name this lazy fool here,but he will be regreting not having done his job properly by now,I do not suffer fools lightly,& so he will have had a serious talking to by his manager,if he doesnt up his game significantly by the time I see him again,then I will take it to the next level & initiate a formal written complaint. I am treatment resistant,in that I wasnt helped by the 3 years of Lithium therapy,it was useless.I am allergic to Carbamazepine & all 7 of the SSRIs I have taken have resulted in Mania,apart from Seroxat which resulted in Dysphoria & very very aggressive feelings,that made me aware that keeping taking it was making me dangerous to myself & others,so I deal with this very nasty condition through diet(nurtitional supplements,based on Orthomolecular medicine & the work of Patrick Holford)Fun exercise,it has to have a huge element of Joy/Fun in it in order for it to be of use in combating the deathwish,that Thanatos has visit me very, very regularly. Dr Turner facillitated my being prescribed Maxepa(Omega 3 fish oils) & St Johns Wort,both having demonstrated great efficacey in dealing with depression & anxiety & cheap,when compared to conventional medicines such as Olanzapine which I believe costs £190 per month,& is only one of a raft of poorly designed crap,that if you let them force it down your throat,will have you numb,unable to feel with no libido & will lead to you developing a Parkinson like twitch(Tardive Dyskinesia) which can be irreversible.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 12:07:25 +0000
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