Feeling shattered and completely sorrowed, with a soul that has been completely overshadowed by despair and pain. The dark filthy and dangerous new york streets has a unique effect on a sad person, they ruin the person completely and the cold weather also boosts this effect.. there is absolutely no humanity in such places. I started walking slowly.. looking at my nike trainers making small waves on the wet pavement.. like a silver aura that was enchanting the loneliness of the dark grey pavement plates. The sky had a cloudy, somehow red colour.. it seemed that every little detail around me understands me.. everything is sad.. everything is cold. I took out the little transparent cigarette box bag from my pocket.. it seemed that it was understanding how much I need to use this white powder inside.. so white and pure.. like snowflakes that were being lighted by a moonlight.. I never seen before any other powder that was so white. I opened the bag with caution while I was stopping my stepping.. and I smelled the powder with a light breath in with my nose, I couldnt smell anything besides a very light sweet smell of vinegar.. I was certain now.. it was heroin and judging by the pure while colour it was clear.. without any mix. I just realised the value of this bag.. it was half filled with pure heroin.. when most people in US were doing serious business with connections to get just a dose of pure heroin I was holding now this little bag.. half filled. This costs hundreds of euro, and just as I was looking at my heroin my mind striked like a thunder. This can cause all my pain and suffer to go away within minutes.. this can render myself completely immune from my pain. This can make everything go away and even if it would last just a few hours it would be at least my escape.. in my own world where my brother never died.. where he will hold me inside his arms and remind me that he still walking beside me, that im not alone and that he still supports me.. I wanted like despaired to feel his hands again locking me.. to see his positive face smiling at me.. but who was I kidding..? This thoughts made me to leave out a couple of teardrops who warmed up my cheeks.. his face was so vivid in my head and I wondered if heroin was strong enough to make it feel good.. but as I said, who am I kidding? Only one way to find out.. (I say with a silent, tired voice that proves even more to myself how despaired Im)g I put the bag back to my black cardigans left pocket then turned my eyes to the street around me.. 2 light columns and a series of dark block of flats in front of me.. everything is so silent.. so lonely which made me smile for a moment as a reaction to this cold scenery. I turned my eyes back to my shoes and got back to my old mans stepping that no other boy of my age would ever do. My 16 year old self still cannot believe what happened about a week ago, let alone that I just killed that black thug by smashing his head with a 10 kg brick.. no, that had almost no effect on me.. nothing can possibly make feel any more worse, my pain is unbearable.. my soul is totally sorrowed. -Denis (Book: The Star I Follow).
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 02:19:25 +0000
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