Fighting with Siblings Think of the word “sibling” and the word that almost immediately comes to mind is “rivalry.” Siblings rarely choose to have each other, and they are forced to share the two people (their parents) they most want solely and exclusively for themselves. They love and bond with each other when they struggle against the rules of their parents. They love each other when they share the fun times of childhood, or when they are protecting each other against bullies in the neighborhood. Yet they also hate each other when their different temperaments cause them to butt heads in the inevitable clashes among family members and when they feel they aren’t getting as much attention or goodies from their parents. All siblings fight when they live in a household with one or more functional parents. In fact, siblings who don’t fight are usually being reared in a home where they view their safety and survival as dependent upon joining forces. So view the sibling fights as a compliment to being viewed as a competent parent(s) by your children. Research shows that 60 to 70 percent of families with children under the ago of six have at least one intense physical fight per year among the kids. Whether the fighting gets worse or diminishes as they grow older depends on how parents deal with the fights. Here are some important tips on how not to handle sibling fights: 74 I The Discipline Miracle ❏ DON’T INTERFERE IN VERBAL BICKERING. Parents who give the message that they are the final decision-makers for sibling squabbles end up with children who are too reliant and dependent on them for everything. This invariably results in a rise in sibling hostility. ❏ DON’T THINK IT IS YOUR role to find the underlying cause of a conflict between your children. You will rarely be able to find out who did what to whom with any accuracy. ❏ DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE drawn into the fray. You will find yourself using up precious energy and will rarely feel good about your attempt to straighten out the disagreements. Every child longs to hear, “Yes, Jim, you were right and your sister was wrong. Jane obviously started this and I understand why you hit her.” Your sending this message is not good for either child. ❏ DON’T ACT AS A REFEREE any more than necessary. Step in only if you suspect or fear serious bodily injury of one child toward another. ❏ DON’T COMPLAIN LOUDLY IN THE presence of your kids that, “you guys fight all the time.” Remember that kids are ready and eager to live up to the expectations and descriptions their parents have of them—particularly when the message is a negative one. ❏ DON’T ASK YOUR CHILDREN UNANSWERABLE questions like, “Why can’t you be nicer to your sister?” and “Why do you fight so much?” ❏ DON’T ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO play one parent against the other. One parent is almost always a little more lenient than the
Posted on: Thu, 06 Jun 2013 00:56:19 +0000
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