For My Daddy- Emile. I am sitting here trying to prepare myself for the profound heartache of tomorrow, it occurs to me that some of you will be having the same feeling at some point in your life if you hadnt already. Theres always some difference for each issue, and for those of us who have angels - as you know the heartache never really goes away, it just becomes part of us. I have scar tissues, the wound is there, grown but harder. I will never forget the man I lost at such a young age. My daddy, my best friend, my super hero and the man who read me Peter Pan. Itll be 18 years, and it still feels like both an eternity and just yesterday in the same breath. It feels like its been forever since Ive been in your arms, but the pain is just as fresh from the moment the last of your precious breath passed your lips. For so long Ive focused on all the things I lost and the things youve missed out on as well as my children. I often wonder what youd be like bouncing my boys on your knee, what type of fun grandfather you would have been, and how you never got a chance to walk me down the aisle, or see me graduate at all. I was only 14, and you were a mere 35. Im almost as old as you were, and that is just baffling me. I feel like I am just beginning out on my own and this is when God called you home. Gosh, you were so young - and I was merely a baby. But, now I get to see things in a different light. If you hadnt passed, my life would have been so different. It could have been better, or worse - who knows? Would we have grown apart? I doubt it. But - I do know I never would have left you. I would have found a way to stay. Maybe you knew that... If I stayed, I wouldnt have found my husband. If I stayed, I wouldnt have my boys. So, though I carry a tremendous heartbreak every single day, I also have the greatest joy - and in the end its all attributed to you. Im going to cry - hell Im crying already whilst writing this. You have touched many hearts and you being in your humbleness, would never acknowledge it. Just like an Angels wings - my love for you will never falter. I believe in you still as much as you believed in me. I cant wait to see you someday, just not today or anytime soon. I have some boys to turn into great men, just like you were. I love you Daddy. As always and forever - I am in your little girl. We miss you... We always will.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 22:29:11 +0000
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