For a few laughs and silver linings: Let me address the elephant in the room: Valentine’s Day, aka Singles Awareness Day, aka the day florists nationwide can markup their prices 1000% to fill a swimming pool with $100 bills. There are those out there who have found someone who can tolerate their presence and oddities for more than 5 seconds (Good for you! Marry them now before they realize their mistake), and then there’s the “Oh God I’m so lonely” crowd that avoids Valentine’s Day like the plague and cracks “ironic/indifference” jokes to slow the incessant flow of nightly tears that can only be vanquished by ungodly quantities of chocolate. But as you huddle there in the dark desperately clutching that Ben and Jerry’s ForeverAlone ice cream quadruple gallon pack, keep in mind that being single is frigging awesome. Here are just a few reasons why: 1. Sharing isn’t mandatory/You can’t be dumped for scarfing down all the Thin Mints 2. Showering is purely optional. I mean what? 3. You can’t be judged for your morning hair (Mine is terrifying to behold. Think the Ark of the Covenant from Indiana Jones) 4. Absolutely no one can stop you from eating hot wings in bed 5. No one can tell you not to use the conveniently placed bedsheets as napkins for previously mentioned hot wings 6. There is no such thing as “Too many cats” 7. The police aren’t called if you haven’t been seen in days due to the phenomenon known as “Star Wars/LoTR/ Breaking Bad Marathons” 8. You’re back in the running for The Guinness World Record in “Longest Time Outside of a Relationship” 9. Ryan Gosling is single, so are you, ladies. Do the math. 10. Same applies for us guys and Scarlett Johansson. Sort of. She’s only engaged, so at least half the equation is there 11. You can invest in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream stock to make a killing around Valentine’s Day every year 12. You have so much free time to invest in new skills, like learning to play guitar, getting 8-pack abs, taking up rock climbing, travel the worldwhoarewekidding you’re just gonna use that extra time to nap or browse Netflix and Facebook So there you have it, a few poorly put together reasons that being single is a lot of fun! And if you don’t like being single, don’t worry, I’m sure someone out there will settle for you/have a drunken Hangoveresque Vegas wedding!
Posted on: Wed, 12 Feb 2014 01:18:45 +0000
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