For those of you who have asked about my reasons for quitting the green stuff, I will explain again and in better detail: I tried smoking pot when I was in high school and I loved it. At that time, being a Mormon as well as being in high school, I limited myself to experimentation and only tried it the one time. When I really started, in May, 2010, I was doing it just for the rebellious feeling it gave me, but I had no idea that it was helping me to cope with the PTSD I was still suffering from my divorce, which had happened almost a year before and, within a month of starting smoking, I had stopped sending angry texts to my ex-wife. I am ADHD and that means that my mind takes every single thing that I do and multiplies the possibilities by all the total possible outcomes that I can think of and the constant over-thinking is detrimental. This over-thinking causes those of us who do it to hurt ourselves, mentally, and lowers our self-esteem. We over-thinkers tend to analyze everything from our past and abuse ourselves for the mistakes we feel weve made. Smoking weed reduced all those thoughts and allowed me to be more honest with myself. I started to own the reasons that my marriage fell apart and also saw the reasons that my ex and I were very incompatible. She did both of us a huge favor by divorcing me. Not long after we split, I started to see everything more clearly and I decided to take a look at the things in my religion that had caused me pain. (It still took me until March of this year to completely purge the guilty pit religion had created in my heart.) I started to ask the questions that I had suppressed for so long. Having been so immersed in my faith, I held core beliefs that I may NEVER have questioned had I not slowed down and really been honest with myself. It was scary to think that I was looking God in the eye and asking, Are You what I have been told that You are?. Ultimately, I made the choice that I am now happy with, which was leaving Mormonism forever. After my wife left me I was feeling like I was not very valuable, so I started spending a lot of time working on the things that I loved. I started looking into voice acting, I was singing karaoke to improve my singing skills, and as of January of this year I started doing stand-up comedy. I was able to start all these new endeavors because I slowed and opened my mind by using pot. At a certain point, earlier this year, I was released from the last of my major insecurities when someone close to me helped me see that I was treating myself like I thought I was a bad person. I know I have a good heart, I love people deeply, and am an empathetic person, but I still felt that I wasnt a GOOD person. MANY people feel as I did for no good reason. I have come to realize that all of us, including me, has insecurities and self-doubt; realizing this gives me strength and in about March of this year, I knew it was time to stop smoking pot. I had a very witty mind before I started smoking, and because of my desire to do stand-up comedy, I wanted to get that full wit back. I want to make very clear that I needed marijuana for its therapeutic effects and I am not sure if I would have ever felt this self-secure without it. I believe it has very real medical value and that, for those who need it, its effects are positively life-enhancing. When I told myself I could quit and still use it whenever I wanted, I realized I was now using it recreationally, as a toy, and no longer using it as a therapeutic tool, as I had originally intended. I want to challenge those of you who are feeling like it is time to take a break to do so. Quitting can relieve the internal conflict that is inside of you, but it will only work if you really want this for yourself and are not quitting to please someone else. Just like any addiction, stopping will be difficult but I am happy to chat with you about it and support you. I feel a firm resolve in my choice and do not expect to go back anytime soon, but I ask those of you who know me, if you see me weakening, to please support me as well. I hope my shared story helps and I hope you have the strength to make the tough choice, when you know it is time, for you. Much love and respect. Thank you!
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 04:28:23 +0000
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