Forgiveness is often spoken about and written about and is possibly one of the most bandied about concepts of all time - and I believe one of the most misunderstood! I remember as a young woman, telling a few people,in the church I was attending, about the abuse I had endured and being told to forgive and forget. I remember wondering how the to hell to do that. And why. I used to really struggle with the idea that having survived the abuse it became my responsibility to hold out an olive branch to my abuser and make it all right again. As if it was still all up to me. Well I never could you see. Oh I did once, when I was just six months out of home, the abuse still so incredibly fresh in my wounded and broken heart. I went home and sat down with my dad and told him I forgave him. I didnt feel a thing but I had been told that if I forgave him I would be letting it all go and then I would be free of it all. What a load of bollocks. I wasnt even close to being ready to forgive and certainly not ready to forget! I had not yet even begin to process any of what had happened. You cant let go of what you have not yet even faced. I believe there is a time to forgive but its not the first step in the healing process! Here is what I know about forgiving - its not something we do - its a gift we are given. Our job is to process the pain, to deal with the aftermath of abuse. Our job is to heal. To work through the negative self-talk and the loss of identity. Our job is to change the way we think and process things. Our job is to apply new thoughts. To learn to let go of our faced-up-to-pain. Our job is to see ourselves the way God does and to allow Him to touch the scars and breathe life into our wounds. And as these things happen we find we are beginning to heal and as we do the fruit of healing is growing in us - and this is where forgiveness comes from. The only thing I believe we need to do in this process is to be willing. To be willing to forgive. The rest is the result of our healing. The fruit of our recovery. Dont grapple with forgiving. If it isnt present it simply means there is more healing required. Do the recovery work that is needed and let the forgiving take care of itself. It will. Love and hugs ~ Sue
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 22:05:00 +0000
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