Four years ago, I tentatively made the choice to put down my drug habit. I didnt know if I was giving it up for good. I just knew I was a wreck and that was not the life I wanted to live, I had had enough. 6 months later I still wasnt sure if I could do it, but I knew I didnt want to go through the process of getting clean again, and that was enough. The following 6 months brought me closer God, closer to my family, closer than I had been in 6 years. I was gaining their trust, and that was enough. Then came Khloi. I was no longer fighting for myself anymore. I was fighting for the parent I wanted to be. Fighting for the example I wanted to be. Fighting for all of the hopes and dreams that parents want for their children. Weeks can go by without a second thought to who I used to be, but there are still days when I see the devils shadow in the corner of my eye. I am living the life I always wanted, but never thought I was strong enough to have. Playing in the leaves in the fall, building snowmen in the winter, blowing bubbles in the spring, swimming and ice cream in the Summer. Tucking Khloi into bed every night, working out and feeling my powerful body in motion at the gym, laughing at good jokes, laughing at bad jokes, laughing at my mistakes, laughing with my family and friends, LAUGHING! Singing new songs, singing old songs, singing made up silly songs. Crying on my best friend when things dont go right, and being there to let her cry on me. I never could have been the friend, the sister, the daughter, the granddaughter, the childcare provider or the mother I am today if 4 years ago I hadnt taken that first tentative step. I can never have enough of this Life. And for that, I am #thankful.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 19:26:20 +0000
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