Friday august 29....the beginning of Labor Day weekend! Today was a much better day all in all!! Jess had her breathing tube replaced with a trach. We had talked about this before as she has hit 12 days of being intubated. The drs, along with Brett and I, think she will be a lot more comfortable and will hopefully help her heal quicker. She has always shown such displeasure with it and chewing on it and causing blisters on her lips and inside her lips. After it was put in and we talked to her she smiled and then made duck lips (her indication to me that she wants me to put chapstick on her). She also finally had a few ice chips which was a huge treat for her! Her biggest smiles were when I showed her one of Hunters hats he sent for her (she would always try to take it). She then pointed that she wanted me to put it on her head. Sideways and again the ducklips!! I cannot tell you how amazing it is to see her pretty face and that smile!!! When she had her teeth and mouth cleaned up she was really trying to smile!! We are hoping for a very uneventful weekend!!! Just quiet...no alarms. No emergency procedures. No heart stopping, no gasping for air. Just quiet. She isnt supposed to even try and talk or exert any energy. So we are going to limit time she spends with visitors so she isnt agitated and can get a lot of rest. I sure wish I had a glass of wine right about now!! Whew...another stressful week down. But instead it will be cranberry juice in a cup and Im stealing a chocolate pudding! Looking back on this past week and the week before I still have to say she is a miracle. A miracle whose heart has stopped in front of her mothers eyes. No mother should ever have to see their child die in front of them. Ever. My heart goes out to those who have. It is painful. It hurts. Im helpless and I dont like that feeling. I became a miracle that my heart didnt stop. I know my breathing did as my head was screaming COME ON JESSICA!!! DONT GIVE UP!! BREATHE!!! Tonight we will wash her hair and re braid it and wash her tiny little body. To feel her small hands squeezing mine, put lotion on her scrawny little arms and legs and see that smile. I am so Blessed to once again have that chance. To see her smile and sign I love you fills my heart with so much happiness! Thank you God for giving me just one more day with her. I will go to sleep on my comfy chair, surrounded with the sounds of her breathing machine and match my own up with hers. Two hearts beating as one. This song, I know Youre There, by Casting Crowns is amazing. So true!! If all I had was one last breath Id spend it just to sing Your praise Just to say Your name If all I had was one last prayer Id pray it cause I know youre always listening If I could live a thousand lives or bind the hands of time I would spend every moment by Your side Cause I I know Youre there I know You see me Youre the air I breathe You are the ground beneath me I know Youre there I know You hear me I can find you anywhere If all I had was one more song to sing I would raise a noise to make the Heavens ring If all I had was one last chance Id take it, I would stake it all on You, yeah yeah If I could rise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye I would make them believe what I feel inside
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 03:24:33 +0000
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