From a member: I would like my name withheld, please. I just wanted to share this in hopes that it will help another spouse on a bad day. Although its not much, I would like to offer this token of advice that was given to me approximately 6 months ago by an ER doctor at the VA... I know what you are thinking- its the VA, what a shit hole! I fully, 110% agree. However, this doctor had a moment of clarity in which she said to me, You are the best care for him... You are strong. He will change from one life to another, because you are strong. This piece of advice came to me at a time when I needed it most. On top of dealing with my husband being addicted to hydrocodone and suspicions of him abusing other narcotics, I was also dealing with an overwhelming amount of mental and physical exhaustion that was driving me to the breaking point. As I sat in a chair in the ER blubbering my eyes out, worried and anxious about my husbands health and future due to his drug addiction, this amazing woman said this to me. It really hit me at my core. It affected me so much that I immediately whipped out my phone and saved it as a note. It is something I come back to time and time again when my husband has one of his episodes that leave me thinking, what the hell am I doing here? And I am not going to lie, sometimes, I still think that. However, because of my (sometimes) strength, I have noticed some very powerful changes in my husband. He has been narcotic free since approximately November 2013, which is the longest he has been off of any narcotics for three years. It has been about two months since he last yelled and screamed at me, telling me he wanted a divorce. He recently lost his job... But it was a shitty job anyway- sometimes you gotta cut your losses Now, he smiles more. He laughs more. He does more. He sees his friends and family more. He has fun. He realizes it is OKAY to have fun. He is mostly whole, even though I know a little bit of him will always be missing. But, for now, he is happy and healthy, which is all I really need. So for the spouses, I know it is SO incredibly hard and absolutely no one understands what we go through unless they are in our shoes. But, please, please remember... You are the best care for him... You are strong. He will change from one life to another, because you are strong.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Feb 2014 06:33:16 +0000
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