From a member: Please post this anon. We had an episode yesterday that I wanted to share and I would love your input as to how I reacted and how I am approaching this now. I was at work and I started getting texts from hubby that he was staking out our neighborhood taking pictures because someone vandalized our property. I said what?! He said they moved our trash bins to block our driveway. I said did the mailman do it? He said, no....it has to be the neighbors with the dog that doesnt like us. He put a blank piece of paper on the trash can to bait the neighbors and took a pic of someone looking at the paper and deemed she was the guilty party. He went around to our neighborhood telling people that someone is vandalizing property , told them dont lie to me etc etc...he scared our neighbors. The cops were driving by the neighborhood and he took it as they called the cops because of the trash can note and they are all corrupt cops and against us. So he started taking pictures of the cops. I believe the neighbors did call the cops because he was knocking on all the doors saying someone is vandalizing property and taking pictures of everyone. He scared them and I dont know if I can ever fix that. I left work early and raced home to hear a hour long rant and he even said your daughters life is at risk here, listen to me! what if they come into our house! he wouldnt let me say anything, said just LISTEN and DO NOT INTERRUPT ME ..in front of my mother mind you. He brought up things like I seen my friends blood and guts and had to scrape it off the vehicle which obviously has nothing to do with our trash cans but he was triggered. My mom wanted me and my daughter to leave, she now feels that he is a danger and will hurt me. I told her he wil lnever hurt me, I asked her to take my daughter to her house for a few hours so I could talk to him. She hesitated to leave me alone, but respected my wishes. I took his hand in mine and sat down on the bed, told him I love you very much, I only want the best for you, you know this right? he got defensive and said but...BUT....where is my daughter? did your mom take her away from me!!! she took her!! I told him no..I asked my mom to take her so we could talk, she is gonna come home. I told him I need you to trust me like never before, please trust me...you are behaving very paranoid, almost psychotic, you blacked out a few days ago and took off into the woods, you are over reacting babe, the neighbors are not against us. he got really upset and said you betray me? you are my wife and you dont believe me!! give me a divorce now, its $150, why do you punish me! im protecting our daughter and you betray me! you are a liar, you ...you....I want to hurt you so bad right now!!!! and his face went tight and angry looking. he was sitting in computer chair at that time, I knelt in front of him because standing over him is a more offensive body stance and opened my arms up and said look at me, I trust you, I know you will always protect our family and I know you will never hurt me. I know you wont hurt me, please take my hand and trust me right now. he was angry crying, then he just switched....and he said you did what you needed to do, you did exactly what you should have done. you raced home when I said emergency, you shielded our daughter, your loyal to me For the next few hours he was talking fast and seemed almost manic, I was an active listener and let him speak. Later in the evening he got riled up slightly and seemed to try and dominate me, for most of our marriage he was dominant and I submitted, but Im not doing that anymore. I stood up to him at eye level and said we are EQUALS, I will never submit to you again. EQUALS. I love you and you know that, you know you can trust me. He said Im the one that will leave you, I dont need you to survive! I calmly but very assertively told him I love you but understand, I will not take being talked down to anymore. I dont need you to survive, I do need your love though. I will end up being the one to leave if you keep talking down to me. That shit is done He reacted good to me being so assertive, he does challenge it bcause he is so dominant, but in an odd way it seems to calm him down. Almost like he needs someone to take his reigns sometimes. At this point, I do feel some anger and frustration, but I understand that he is sick. When we first met, I was a strong, dominant social person and over the years I became submissive, scared and no friends. Im going back to my old self and although it challenges his authority that he has had over me for awhile, he is reacting decent to it. My mom is still freaking, but I keep telling her he is not a threat to me or our child. He has PTSD and he has it bad. She said but does PTSD cause this paranoia? The way he talks to you? How he holds onto the past? He is crazy! I am her only child and her only grandchild so she is going into protective mode. So right now I am trying to make him feel safe and her relax. I told him today doctors orders, rest and relaxation. Put your feet up, just relax and text me if you need anything I used to think he would walk out on us.....I know now that he wont. He wont leave, he will threaten to leave, but he wont and honestly, I think he NEEDS us. If he lost me and our daughter, he has no one else. I fear he would become a drug addict or kill himself if he didnt have us. He has been opening up to me a lot lately which I think is also causing some of these episodes because he is not used to trusting and opening up like this. Ive seen him cry more in 5 days than in the many years we have been married. Thoughts?
Posted on: Thu, 01 May 2014 12:04:50 +0000
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