From the inbox: Hi! I am having a hard time with something and I wanted to see if you or someone could help me with a little advice- I would really appreciate it! Please do not put out my name though This is going to be a LONG one, sorry! So my ex and I have been spilt up for a little over two years now. I have had primary custody of our now 3 year old daughter for the past 2 years. He takes her 3 out of 4 weekends a month. Her father is now engaged and has a 9 month old son with his wife. He is a really great father, we get along and work as a team very well for the most part, and my daughter hasnt really said much bad about his fiance so I am comfortable with the situation. Her father was able to get her into an Abbott school district so that she can go to school for free until kindergarten. (If anyone has experience or knowledge about the Abbott program as well and can help educated me a bit more I would really appreciate it!) In order for this to happen though she would have to live with him during the week and me weekends (basically we would flip schedules). My initial reaction was HELL NO but he really, really wants this and I have been discussing a little further with him. I am willing to even consider it for the following reasons: (1) I am very career orientated and always have been but really had to put my career on hold because as a single mom of a 3 year old I do not have the time to dedicate to it. My current job is fine but if I am there forever, which I might be if I cant focus on putting more time into my career (ie- going back to work in the city) then I will never get to where I need to be to provide for my daughter in a good way. So I would see this as an opportunity to really focus on moving up and bust my butt working so that when the time comes to have her live with me full time again (IF this works out then 2 years) then I will be in a MUCH better position to provide. (2) I have not been happy with myself for the past few years and have really let myself go, and it does effect my relationship with my daughter- I could take this time to really work on myself and getting myself into a better place emotionally and physically. (3) I can get a smaller, 1 bedroom place rather than a 2 bedroom that I can barely afford. This way I can save money and try to dig myself a bit out of debt. (On weekends I am always at my parents house anyways and she has her own room there so I would not necessarily need a room for her at my place as well) My concerns: (1) I told him that IF I were to agree to do this then NOTHING would go through courts (as in I would still be primary custodial parent) and he agreed that we could work that out. The reason for me not wanting it to go through the courts (and I disclosed this all to him) is that I absolutely will not take any risk what so ever in that come time to get her back I would have a hard time in doing that. I honestly do not think that he would do that but I still am not willing to chance it at all. (2) I told him that I would need to build a MUCH stronger relationship with his fiance if she is going to be around my daughter- essentially for the time being- even more than I will be. She does not like me just by default that he and I were together for so long and she is very insecure. This is not a negotiable need for me as I do not feel as if I know her at all. He agreed. (3) I am absolutely petrified that a week or two in I am going to be TOTALLY miserable without her and have to call him to tell him that I changed my mind- thus uprooting my daughter once again which just is not fair to her. I am also a little bit petrified of her possibly building a stronger relationship with her fathers fiance than she has with me (I fully understand that this part boils down to my own insecurity) There are about a million other things swirling in my head but if anyone can please help me with ANY type of advice I would really, really appreciate it!
Posted on: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:35:03 +0000
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