From the secret diary of Arvind Kejriwal. Jan 18, 2014 It’s been a crazy week. I’ve heard people say that good things come to those who wait for the law to take its own sweet course. But I think even better things come to those who talk to prosecution witnesses and tamper with evidence. That is what Somnath Bharti, my Law Minister, has supposedly done. I hope people will understand. We are doing this for them. Courts sometimes give wrong verdicts. It should be okay if honest people tamper a little bit with the evidence to get the right verdict, no? Long story short, I spent all my free 700 liters of water supply on Wednesday cleaning Somnath’s chit. Did I write about last week’s janta darbar? It was a little chaotic but was ok, I think. There was a kid who wanted me to explain the Bernoulli’s theorem to him. He is preparing for the IIT exam. I got an idea after that. If things don’t pan out, we could always convert AAP into a giant IIT coaching center, I think. Went to a mosque on Thursday for a festival. All leaders from all parties came. I was in a bit of a dilemma. Wasn’t sure whether to sit on Kapil Sibalji’s left knee or right knee. We came out with our official opposition to Foreign Direct Investment in retail. I know Bhushan-ji is in favor of anything Foreign, and I’m personally in favor of Direct. But Yogendra is dead against Investment. Which is why we are against FDI in anything. The AAP team saw Dhoom 3 together. Everyone loved the suicidal ending, which follows daylight robbery, chaos and confusion. Glad the team got to see a good example of socialism. Vinod Kumar Binny held a press conference and called me a liar. I was very hurt by this. I feel that there is a BIG difference between making insanely unrealistic promises and lying. I’m sure the people will teach Binny a good lessson soon. Before that, I wouldn’t mind seeing Capt Gopinath and Vinod Binny made to wrestle each other in a 4×4 cage. Lot of people are saying that we shouldn’t contest Lok Sabha polls. To tell you the truth, I kind of agree with that. I don’t think we are ready. It makes me nervous. On the other hand, I also like the idea of sending Bhushan-ji off to far flung locations where there are no press people. Also, Yogendra needs to have some work to do. What to do? I’m feeling happy this week. After just two weeks, I have successfully converted the Delhi government into a Non Governmental Organization. The week ended on a minor misunderstanding. Somnath Bharti, my Law Minister, got into more trouble. He went to some place in the night and tried to get some Nigerians arrested. In his defense, they apparently looked drug dealer-ish. Turns out they weren’t drug dealers once their cavities had been searched. I told him to leave harassment of innocent people to Delhi Police. I worry about Somnath. Like I need one more person to worry about. He has zoomed to the top of the list of people I worry about now. The two of us went together to meet Sushil Kumar Shinde today to discuss Delhi Police. I think I should first explain my feelings about Shinde. Let’s say my IQ = x. And, Shinde’s IQ = y. Then, I’d like to note that ( x + y ) = x. And (x/y) = the amount of pain the two of us were in, during the meeting. I was really worried that Somnath might lose control and punch Shinde at some point during the meeting. The last time I felt so much tension was when I was taking the final exam in Heat Transfer at IIT Kharagapur. Luckily, we were distracted by the men who were massaging Shinde’s shoulders. I couldn’t tell if they were Nigerians or Ugandans. But I didn’t ask, just in case people thought I was being racist and xenophobic. I think it’s high time I went in for security. One of these days, there is going to be a 3-way shootout between Somnath, Delhi Police and Nigerians outside my house. I once saw a movie called ‘Hangover’. I hope that AAP movement doesn’t turn out like that. I’m worried that I am going to wake up one fine day with a missing tooth, a baby and a tiger in the bathroom. Please help me, God. I only want to do some good for Delhi and this nation. I hope it works out. Bharat mata ki jai. I love India. Jai Hind. Via @waatho
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 10:00:57 +0000
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