From the very first note, I knew that there was something special I had inside of me all along. A natural talent of writing. What started off as just a way to express what I have been holding inside all of these years, its turned into something more than that. I have had many dark times in my life to where it was almost too much to keep up with. There have been times that Id lose myself to the painful memories of the past Ive spent most of my life trying to forget. My life, like everyone elses, is full of mysteries and unsolved riddles. Some can be found, while others will remain unknown. We have all done things in our life that we regret, I know Ive done many. But life is jsut a scale. Often times it remains unbalenced by the good things and the bad things, but in the end it will be balenced again. Its easy to forget the good moments we have in our lives, when the bad ones keep coming. And they will always come, they will never stop. But the good things also never stop. Its up to us. You and me, individuals of the world. Its up to us to deal with the problems and search for the solutions. For the longest time, I thought my solution was to shut everything out and pretend everything was alright. Obviously, evrything was not alright. I have always been shrouded with angre, hate, sadness and fear. And for the longest time, I thought I could neve get out. There have been numerous people in my life that have come and gone. Freinds and family that have entered and exited my life. And to me thats okay, it happens to everyone. For the people that couldnt stay, I dont plame you. You had your reasons, and Ill leave it at that, case closed. But there are several that did stay. And throughout this, I will explain who they are and how they impacted my life. First off, I would like to start with my number one hero. Im talking about you Dad. While it was your job and right to watch over me as I grew over the years, you have always been there for guidence and support. To me, you are more than just my dad, you are my greatest friend. We share a bond that not even the end of the world could break. The next would be my brothers Michael and Jacob. Being the youngest of the three of us, it was tough getting along with you two. Michael, you are the best example I could think of for this. You are the only person I know who can drive someone complety insane just by walking into the room. I know because you do it to me every time I see you. But I can take it, I grew up with you. And it the brotherly bond we shared was more dangerous than anything. You and I never saw eye-to-eye with eachother growing up. But Im glad I have you in my life. And Jake, you and I are very close to. Growing up, you were the one I wanted to be. However, now that Ive grown up, I don think that would be a good idea.Its not becasue you are a bad person, I just want to be my own person. You, Michael and I share a bond bound by blood. It will never be broken, even in death we remain connected. Jasmine, Kimmy, Crystal and Kareena, you four are one of a kind. Ill start with you Jasmine. You are the youngest of the family, and possibly equally, if not more annoying than Michael. You get on my nerves, but I know its your job to annoy me. I remember the day you were born, I was kind of irritated and jelous. I was always th youngest, and then you came and stole the show. But Im glad I have you as a sister. That just means I can show you the ropes. Crystal, the oldest in the family. You are definetly one to remember. You were there for as long as I can remember. Kimberly, while not blood related at all, you will always be viewed as one big sister. Growing up with you was quite a task for me. From taking care of me as a child, to beating me up as a pre-teen. We share a lot of memories and wounds. And latsly, out of all of the siblings I have, I cant stress how important you are to me. Kareena, you are my partner in crime. From watching you grow up, it was an awesome adventure. I cant believe how old you are, it seems just like yesterday that we took that stroll into downtown Union City. I dont think theres anyone I know that can match the awesome times weve had together. So with that being said, the unbreakable band forever. Kristy and mom, you two are possibly the most complicated woman I know. Mom, you werent always there for us. You were either sleeping or working, there was rarely anything in between. Ive spent my childhood years, and a part of my teenage years trying to understand why you were never around. I kept wondering to myself if you ever wanted me, if you ever cared. But now that Im grown up, I realize that no matter where you were, you never stopped caring. And Kristy, you were there when you and dad got together. Sure, there are moments of our lives neither of us can change. But Ive forgiven you, it doesnt matter anymore. You rasied me like your own, and at a young age as well. You knew that you bit off more than you could chew, but you pushed through it anyways. That right there, is what a strong mother is. You and dad may be divorced now, but Im never going to stop loving you. Im never going to view you as something else. You are one of a kind. Sean and Rainy, you were both there watching me grow from a boy to a young man. You are always going to be family from where I am standing. The amount of support you have given me with all of my problems is most kind. And Sean, you are still shoing support by helping me out with my books. Heres hoping that everything will be good! Now, even though we arent on good terms, I still feel the need to say it. Dillon, Tony, Logan and Taylor, you were always my best friends. And to this day, theres still a part of me that believes we never stop being that. If there was one thing I could count on while hanging out with you guys, is that there was trouble to be made. We were an unstoppable force of stupidity and awesomeness. From Dillons unparralled sarcasm, Taylors unique brains, Tonys incredible shortness, Logans immense height, and my all around crazyness, we were a one of a kind team. And Id give anything just to be that again, even for one day. Samantha and Allison, you two are just one big bowl of weirdness and randomness. Sam, you are possibly one of the most confusing girls I know. Its always something new with you. And Allison, you are a very wierd gorl. But both of you have made your moments when youve impacted my life. Justin, Nick, Courtney, Danielle, Brandi, Duncan, Katy, Jackie, Jessie. In tech, you were the best friends I could have ever had. From quiet beginnings to hilarious friendships. Justin and Nick, you were my partners in crime. From defective soda cans to cocoa powter fights, the memories were priceless. There was never a time that we werent doing something we werent upposed to. Like taking home the pumpkin roll to braking Mrs. Grossmans clipboard off of my kneecap. Duncan, you were the state of the art gansta, always keeping your cool and knowing when to bounce to a beat. Katy, you were often quiet, but you made an impressionable impact. Jessie, you and Justin forced me to eat when I wasnt feeling hungry and I was about 96 pounds. So thanks! Jackie, we shared unexpected confrontations, like the night in walmart. Brandi, you were fun to pick on. From nicknames like almond joy to wimpie longstockings. You are an awesome gal. Courtney, you are very complicated, complex, confusing, and curious. But you are a uniuqe girl and I think youll get far in life. Just remeber to smile once in a while. Now, last but not least, I have to mention one other person. Aside from my dad, shes made the biggest impact in my life. Kimmy, AKA brighteyes. We shared a very, very, very complex history together.The first time I met you, I was amazed at the beauty I saw. We were a couple to be remembered in my opinion. While we were completely alike, we were also completly opposites. If there was one thing youve done, and remained to do to this day, is stick by my side in my time of need. Even though were not together anymore, you are the best I could ever as for. There are times I wish we were still together, I really do with that. But times have changed and I cannot stop that. We have different lives now, different paths and views of things. Every note I have written, has always been about you. How much youve meant to me, how free youve made me feel. But even with that being said, all I ever wanted to do was get the memory of you out of my head. The reasons I cant sleep at night, the reasons Ive felt so alone. It was because I refused to let go. There is always going to be a part of me that will never stop caring for you. And I wish you the bset of luck in life, you deserve everything good. The painful tears Ive shed over time are drying now, and the crack in my heart has finally healed. All that is left is a scar. Im there if you ever need me. You were and will always be my biggest inspiration for the things that I do. For all of the people that have supported me, not just with my writing, but my life in general, you have lightened a path I thought was forever dark. You have picked me up off of the ground and pushed me to reach for what I was told was impossible to get. This is my last note I will be writing, so I wanted to make it a very special one. To all of those who have opened their hearts and shared amazing times with me, I just wanted to say one thing. THANK YOU.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 22:37:44 +0000
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