Getting In Your Own Way: Have You Put Your Dream Guy In The “Friend Zone?” He’s the guy you should be dating. He’s the guy you should be interested in. He’s the guy you should kiss on the lips instead of giving him your cheek. He’s the guy you should marry. Ladies, we all know him. He’s totally interested and interesting, makes you laugh, calls when he says he will, reliable to a fault and your mother loves him. …but… For some reason we just can’t help but put him in the “friend zone.” Why do we do this? Is it pheromones? Lack of chemistry? His coke bottle glasses? Funny haircut? High-water pants? Why can’t we ever be physically attracted to the guy we SHOULD be attracted to? The one who would treat us like a queen, who will be there for us and love us unconditionally? When it comes to dating, don’t get me wrong, physical attraction and chemistry are both extremely important. I’m not dismissing that at all. But what I have found is that for some women, the “nice” guy doesn’t always come wrapped in the package that they expect to see. For me, the more I get to know someone and discover what a great person they are, the faster my attraction begins to grow. I find that if I’m having an intelligent conversation with a witty man, suddenly I don’t notice that he’s shorter than me. Intelligence is hot to me, so if you can string two smart sentences together coherently, you got me. Most women should agree with that sentiment. But there are those who never really get to the “getting to know you” stage because they’ve already predetermined that they won’t date a short man or one who isn’t in Adonis shape. They have a certain, possibly unrealistic, “type” and any man who doesn’t fit into that box won’t get a second look. If they do chat him up and discover that he’s “cool,” they’ll still put him in the friend zone knowing that he has the basics of what they’re looking for in a man. Chalk it up to immaturity and unrealistic expectations. We wonder where all the “good” guys are, but fail to realize that we may be overlooking him based on a superficial list of characteristics. Newsflash: Every man doesn’t look like Boris Kodjoe (or whoever your fine, “dream man” is). If you find yourself in a dating rut, try something new. Strike up a conversation with a man you might not normally think is your “type.” You may be surprised at what comes out of his mouth. He may not be the tall, strapping, handsome-by-some-model-standard guy, but he may be funny as hell! Funny is hot too you know. He doesn’t have to be Chris Rock funny to get my attention, but a witty man is quite attractive in my book – no matter what he looks like – and laughter goes a long way in a relationship. Again, I’m not saying a person should totally dismiss their preferences, and I’m sure everyone has a type that that initially pulls them in. I’ve been told that I’m attracted to “cerebral” or “academic” men (read: nerdy). However, I’ve also dated a man who may not have had a college degree, but who also never let me open a car door. He pulled out my chair every time I sat down, were true gentlemen, and he made sure I never wanted for anything. He weren’t your Idris Elba type either – just a great guy who were beautiful from the inside out. I don’t want to subscribe to theory that there aren’t enough good guys to go around, but I also don’t want to us to diminish the chances of finding him by discounting the man who’s wearing an outfit we don’t like or corny sneakers or has a terrible haircut. The point is, there is no perfect man who will have everything on your list when it comes to his physical appearance or his personality. Yes, we want him to have all of his teeth, preferably porcelain white like Morris Chestnut; but, if he has braces, just think of how great his teeth will look when they come off. His teeth will look just as good so give the man a chance! The same goes for men, but since this site is geared towards black women, I’ll keep it there. We wouldn’t want a man pre-judging or dismissing us because we don’t look like Halle Berry, so we shouldn’t hold on to the same misguided, superficial standard of perfection that no few can attain for men either. Date the guy who has a slight belly. Don’t pay too much attention to his non-fashion sense. Stop playing him sideways because his hands are not as big as you’d like or his voice is a slight octave higher than you can generally stand. Is a man who speaks proper English that much of a turn-off? Really? The strikingly handsome, intelligent, successful, tall, athletic, chiseled, fashionable, handy, ambitious, sensitive, funny, spiritual, devoted, loyal, romantic men are out there but maybe just not all of that wrapped into one. Pick the traits that mean the most to you and see what you can leave on the table. You may find that certain characteristics on your wish list aren’t that important after all. You may find that you actually have all that you want and more in a man… And you put him in the friend zone.
Posted on: Wed, 14 Aug 2013 08:21:21 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015