Gilligan huh Mark? Let’s see what your character will be up to. You will be a passenger in every episode that just like Kenny in Southpark you will die in every show. Unlike Kenny you will be a different character in each episode. In the first episode you will be just an average tourist that looks just like a disgraced Russian spy. Yakov Smirnoff will be the KGB agent sent to kill the spy. As the tourist you will be poolside sharing drinks and conversation with a beautiful woman when she asks you if you’d like to go to her cabin and fool around. You agree and as you stand up Yakov mistakes you for the spy and from a hidden location shoots you between the eyes. In the second show you play a Lebanese businessman on vacation. At sunset one evening while looking out at the ocean outside your cabin a CIA drone identifies you as al-Qaida’s number one leader and fires a missile at you blowing you up. In the third show the theme will be Clash of the Titans. You will be an obnoxious New York tourist who rubs everyone the wrong way. The ship is in port at one of the usual stopovers along the way. You decide to go snorkeling around one of the local reefs. While you are snorkeling you find a box with strange symbols on it so you hide it in your bag. When you get back to the ship you look up the symbols on the Internet and the translation states it belongs to an ancient goddess with a warning not to open it. You open it anyway and find a beautiful bracelet, you put it on and it locks onto your arm. You try to get it off, but you can’t, figuring no big deal you go down to the bar. After a few drinks you start bragging about the bracelet in your typical loud mouthed manor. The next day the ship is at sea passing through the Bermuda Triangle when communications with the outside world mysteriously fails. The crew is scrambling to keep the passengers calm when the ship is attacked by a giant sea monster. While the passengers panic one of the crew members remembers that there is a professor of ancient history on board. They find the professor who believes that you are responsible for the attack because of the bracelet. Meanwhile the crew is battling the monster by using the downward force of the anchors to throw a makeshift spear eventually killing the monster. The ship is heavily damaged and the engines no longer work. The Captain calls a meeting for all passengers and crew on the main deck. He singles you out and asks you to step forward. As you do the Kracken emerges from the ocean and swallows you. The crowd cheers. Suddenly the Kracken begins to shake, then explodes all over the deck. The crowd sees you lying on the deck covered in blood and guts. As you struggle to stand and the crowd boos. You then fall face first back on to the deck and the bracelet comes off bounces across the deck and into the ocean. The doctor rushes to your side, looks at the crowd and says “he’s dead”. The crowd cheers. Later the Captain announces that the Coast Guard will be there in 6 hours and in the mean time there are plenty of boiling pots and melted butter as Kracken tastes a lot like lobster.
Posted on: Wed, 26 Jun 2013 01:01:48 +0000
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