Good Morning Another day down and not much better. But a little better is better and I’ll take it. It’s time to push; as difficult and impossible as that sounds. It is time to “double down” and get out of this house. Get to the gym and go to school. Yesterday, I only got off of the couch to eat and use the restroom. I didn’t even get dressed. (Not getting dressed is a big contributor to not feeling well.) I did not turn on the TV, which is not too weird since I don’t watch TV much. But I do think the background noise could have helped stop the self-bashing that was going on in my head. I did not reach out to my support, though they did try to reach out to me. I haven’t been this low in a while; that I can remember. Illness and meds wreak havoc on my memory. My episodes are more often manic and even worse they are “mixed”. But just straight down with not even enough energy to get angry is where I was. It may be too early to say if I can force this day to be better. My DP has been strong and unassuming, what a gem! (Even that exclamation point seems overdone). Today I am more assured that this horrible dread will pass. As I attempt to take care of myself. That’s it. Do we give in or struggle? (Of course I mean, struggle more that usual). And I don’t like our options anymore than you do. If we struggle, we don’t do it destructively by using. And we can’t be around others who like it when we are down. Or like to complain about their lives, hurts or situations. This only brings us down further and we may also engage in conversation we wouldn’t normally engage in. I am not so silly as to think this will pass in a day (though it could). And even though I have a self care plan for this day, I also have a plan B. I will workout today, shower and skip school. I know I can do that. I may not like it, but I will do it. Then if I can I will move forward from there. That is recovery folks. Work it, it works. Life is an action plan. Be Well
Posted on: Tue, 16 Jul 2013 10:24:04 +0000
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