Good Morning, I must confess: I over reacted… Who me? No! Yes! I took everything they said personally and behaved poorly when perhaps they just needed to get stuff out in the open. However this has been going on and off (not with this intensity though) for around six months. We are going through some kind of change that we can’t identify I am wicked good at “character assignation”, as my default defensive mechanism. Which I am sorry to say is my “worst and best” ability. I “notice” what a person says and does and take extensive mental notes. I am not sure when I started collecting information to add to an imaginary arsenal just in case I ever need to “take them down”. I know this sounds terrible, and it is. But quite honestly I do the “collecting of flaws” without conscious intention. However, if I get “triggered” I go off and I say the most horrible, but mostly true slanders to anyone that has angered me. And remorse is quick to fallow. I am a recovering codependent and I still sometime do the: “I’ll dump them before they dump me” act, at the slightest notion that anyone is pulling away; even though, I have been working recovery for this problem for several years. I do wonder if any one can relate. This is one of my acting outs common to several diagnosis’s. Actually many symptoms don’t discarnate and share several diagnosis. In this case all apologies were accepted and now there is that sort of dull ach (guilt?) in the pit of my stomach. What I can say with any clarity about this now is I am grateful for forgiveness and astonished at the human capacity to love; sometimes I honestly wonder why anyone stays with me and then I remember: I am wonderful :=) Thank you again, for your support and care. If nothing else perhaps we both learned a lesson. (Yes, I know how cheesy that sounds but it is true). Be Well
Posted on: Wed, 10 Jul 2013 09:24:45 +0000
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