Good evening and here is the news from BFN. SCOTLAND English politicians deny they are “shitting every colour of the rainbow” over Scotland David Cameron: “let me just tilt my head to one side whilst I talk down at you, and let me just be brutally frank on this. Yes, my stools are loose, incredibly loose as it happens, but as to the colour, let me just make it perfectly clear they are medium to dark brown. “ Speaking out from the middle cubicle, Nick Clegg said “I cannot deny the fact that there have been relentless emergency evacuations over the last day or two, but the colour has remained the same and speaking as the leader of the Liberal party, they match my party colours. Meanwhile David Milliband admitted that “clenching and praying wasn’t enough at this present time”. Pausing to inhale some Vicks he went on to say “What with my ongoing cold and the fact that it feels like the world is dropping out of my bottom, I’m getting through twice as much toilet paper than normal.” Pausing for an emergency call of nature he then went on to say “as to the colour, well just like Nick’s, mine is also along party lines, but I blame that on the beetroot salad that I had on the train up” OBAMA Fox news is today reporting that Obama is to come under fire from Republicans for his lack of aggressive US foreign policy that has been added to a long list of failures. It comes after Obama visited Stonehenge and failed to take action. “Obama visited Stonehenge in Wiltcesterstershire near London where the Queen of England lives in Buckinghamshire Palace whilst he was at the NATO summit in Scotland and despite saying that it was interesting, failed to do what a strong and determined US president should do” said chief political bimbo Lucy Dooby Doo in a low cut red top, and black split pencil skirt providing a tantalising glimpse of her full Hollywood. She went on to say. “He said it was interesting, which means that it was of American interest which means he should have enforced a no-fly zone, sent in troops, set up an occupying force, shelled a few houses, perhaps accidentally shot some local people nearby before transporting the stones to Arizona for safe keeping along with the Tower of London bridge” CAMERON POORLY David Cameron is fighting off a mystery illness he picked up last week during a visit to a school in Wales. A Conservative spokesman with a face like a horse said “David has never been in a state run school before and clearly he has never been exposed to working class viruses before. His immune system is not like that of the majority of people in the UK” LOCAL NEWS Pensioner caught on CCTV in high speed tartan shopping trolley chase through busy high street. And that was the news from Brutally Frank. My name is Timothy Shakeshaft. Goodnight
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 17:45:43 +0000
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