Good morning friends...its 25F & sunny with a high of 54F & sunny!!! YEA!! Another day for open windows. Its Opening Day for the Tigers, GO TIGERS!! I had to find my own joke today cuz I didnt get one delivered. Its so nice, I dont even want to mention that its Monday but, have a good day anyway. ------------------- Computer Viruses ------------------- An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!! Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims its a MAC. Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Mike Tyson virus.............Quits after one byte. Prozac virus.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesnt care. Woody Allen virus.........By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card. Joey Buttafuoco virus........Only attacks minor files. Spice Girl virus.............Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. Ronald Reagan virus..........Saves your data, but forgets Dr. Kevorkian virus.....Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Oprah Winfrey virus........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus........Terminates and stays resident. Itll be back. Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six inch hard drive and no memory. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS- Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing but, all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. PAUL REVERE VIRUS- This revolutionary virus doesnt horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C. AT&T VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS- Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. AIRLINE VIRUS- Youre in Chicago but your data is in Singapore. STAR TREK VIRUS- Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before. TED TURNER VIRUS- Colorizes your monochrome monitor. PBS VIRUS-Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money. OMG!!! Ill have to make sure to use hand sanitizer before and after I use the keyboard. Can you imagine if I get one of those viruses? I already had my desktop blow up. Maybe it caught one of those viruses!
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 12:40:10 +0000
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