Grace in the Storm (a continuing journey) I am pretty transparent. Transparency is risky…very risky. Transparency can be offensive to others because transparency is raw and unfiltered. So…at the risk of offending absolutely everyone, I am exposing a part of my life that may make you very uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable putting it in print. But I hope my transparency will help you have a better understanding of God’ grace in the storms of your life. Here we go… I am just like you. I am walking this journey called life. And I have this love / hate relationship going on with it. And just like you, I am walking this journey with God. Whether we know it or not, we all are. Some recognize Him. Some ignore Him. Some don’t believe He exists. Some believe He exists but is simply out of touch with His creation. I am just like you. And this love / hate relationship I have with life means there are times when I have a love / hate relationship with the One who created it. There are times when things happen that cause me great struggle trying to understand. The struggles lead to questions. The questions lead to doubt. The doubt leads to frustration. I admit it. And I think if you were honest, you would admit it too. If I haven’t offended you yet, hang on…I’m just getting started. I was invited to be the speaker at a youth event. The week-long event had me scheduled to address the students three times a day…once at mid-morning…once in the early evening…once in the late night. I spent the week teaching students what it meant to be a Christian. Many students came to faith in Christ that week as they encountered the great love of God expressed through His Son, Jesus. Many more expressed a desire to grow deeper in their relationship with God. As each late evening session closed, I would spend time talking and praying with students one-on-one. Then I would make my way to my living quarters located across a large, vacant field. And each night as I crossed the star-lit field, I would pause…look into the heavens…and give God the finger. Yep. That guy was me. Both hands raised in angry, confused rebellion. The next day, I would do it all over again. Share Jesus…give God the finger. The fact that I’m even writing this is testimony to the wonderful grace of God. Rather than snuff me out, God patiently taught me through one of the most difficult times in my young ministry life. You see…just 4 months prior, I had buried the first of too many young people. His name was Rob Castle. And in my estimation, God blew it by letting him die. Rob had been diagnosed with leukemia. He struggled through 2 years of treatments. But along the way, he became a Christian. And when he did, his life changed. His outlook changed. His hope changed. For 2 years, I did everything I knew to petition God for Rob’s healing. There was the anointing oil…the prayer cloths…the prayers of hundreds of faithful followers calling Rob’s name out before the throne of God. I mean…we couldn’t have expressed our faith in God’s ability to heal any greater. God had no choice but to heal Rob. But…He…didn’t. He let Rob die. The Creator of the universe let Rob die. Following Rob’s funeral, I wrestled hard with God. I almost gave up on ministry. I almost gave up on God. One evening during the week-long event, I decided to join Bev at one of the worship sessions. I didn’t really want to be there. I was still fuming at God. The speaker that evening was Tom Hermiz. Tom was the President of World Gospel Mission. Tom started speaking by asking the audience if anything had happened in their life that caused them to question God. I rolled my eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have come to the service. I was ready to walk out…until Tom started sharing about the untimely death of his daughter…a college athlete who contracted viral meningitis and died 2 days later. Tom poured out his heart…his anger…his questions…his doubts…his frustrations. I was hanging on every word. I could relate to every question and doubt Tom shared. After telling the story of his personal struggle, he opened his Bible to the book of I Peter 5. Tom explained that Peter was writing to Christians who were under severe persecution. Their lives were always on the line. It certainly didn’t seem fair that they should suffer just because they followed Jesus. But that didn’t stop the onslaught. God could have stepped in. He could have wiped out the persecutors. In the case of his daughter, Tom told us that God could have stepped in. He could have healed her. I shook my head in agreement. I understood the frustration being expressed. Then Tom threw us a big curve ball. He told us that God could have stepped in and saved His own Son from the brutality of the whipping and the crucifixion. But He didn’t. His love for His creation caused Him to allow His Son to die rather than provide a way of escape. And just as God didn’t keep His Son from suffering and death, God didn’t provide escape for those losing their lives for their faith. Nor did God heal Tom’s daughter. And under my breath I added, “And God didn’t heal Rob.” Tom then read one verse…I Peter 5:10…and it completely changed my outlook. “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be power and glory forever!” The Message translation puts it this way… “Keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are – will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does.” After listening to Tom unpack that scripture, I knelt down next to Bev and wept. All the pent up hurt, anger, disappointment, doubt and frustration broke like a flood as I begged God for forgiveness. That night, I surrendered the things I didn’t understand to Him. I acknowledged God as God. I acknowledged that God not only knew about Rob’s struggles, but actually stepped into Rob’s suffering and carried him to heaven…where Rob would never know suffering again. The week before Rob died, I was by his bedside at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. As we spoke about heaven, I said, “Rob…if you get there before I do, I really want to see you as soon as I pass through the pearly gates.” Rob nodded his head and whispered, “I’ll see what I can do.” God used that journey with Rob, along with the rebellion that followed, to prepare me for Jason’s death PJ’s death Allison’s death Harold’s death Nick’s death Steven’s death Storm’s death Stephen’s death All of them untimely. All of them leaving you feeling like you were sucker-punched in the gut. All of them leaving a huge hole in the hearts of parents, siblings and hundreds of others. But none of them more painful to me than Bev’s death. But rather than being driven to deeper rebellion, I have been driven to trust the One who carried them to heaven…and who is carrying me, my family, and all the families of those mentioned above through the struggle. He is restoring us. He is making us strong, firm and steadfast. And He is reminding us daily that death will not have the last word. To Him be glory forever and ever! Until next time…
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 02:45:29 +0000
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