Grief is playing such a big role in my life these days.. from the ending of what I thought was a relationship I waited a long time to find and then my friend deciding he needed to end his pain. I keep trying to be over it, not honoring the feeling of sleeping thinking it is not real. So i just move slow and talk less. The past couple of days i have given in to sleeping. It has helped. So the hours that i am awake i need to make the most of. My battery runs on low. I know there is nothing anybody can do to help so i just sit with it, stand with it and walk with it. I create with it. But i think i waste my energy trying to stop it. I need to just allow and know it will lesson a bit more each day. And really appreciate the days where it seems to have lifted and not dread the days it returns. It is 100% like an ocean of waves. Sometimes calm and sometimes a storm but waves lots of waves. This holiday i missed everyone dead at the same time.. going all the way back to my Dad and brother who both died in 1984. I am sure this is for a purpose... and that keeps me going .. because i am sure the gift of whatever it is will be spectacular... because this is hard.
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 17:17:19 +0000
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