Group Input Needed: I would like to post an update and ask for advice, please! Today I spoke with my daughters therapist and our reunification therapist about the recent changes in my parenting time. Previously in our last hearing in August I had been awarded more time during visitations and overnights, and right before the overnights were to begin my ex-N began reporting sleep disturbances and sleepwalking by our daughter. (Ironically this was right after he played nice the day of that hearing and said he wanted to avoid trial and seek mediation and was open to spending time together with our child when we each are with her - he always plays nice before he throws a grenade.) This caused the therapist to ask for a decrease in my time, and temporarily hold off on overnights while they investigated the sleep issues and introduced tools to my ex and his live-in gf, such as waking her 7 days in a row before she was apparently waking with episodes. The waking exercise worked based on reports, but the therapist then asked for an extension of my parenting time (which decreased to every other Saturday) to be sure the episodes indeed were ceasing, and this also prompted the GAL to ask the court for a continuance of two weeks for our upcoming review hearing. However the GAL wrote in the letter to the court that due to moms parenting time adjustment and other exercises there have been no episodes in the last week. So which one is it?! I even asked the therapist why they are testing two things at once and she said she wants to remedy this as fast as possible, but doesnt realize this is putting the time for my child and me at a serious disadvantage. Last week my ex asked to meet with me, and the talk went horribly. He told me he didnt want to talk to me about the sleep episodes or the health of our daughter, and that I needed to go through the therapists. He also told me I was not welcome in his home when I come down to bring our daughter to activities. He wound up talking down to me the whole time and walking away from the conversation, which of course made me feel the same way he did when we were together. I felt like a piece of crap. When I spoke with daughters therapist today about the decision to extend this current parenting schedule, she reassured me they still werent pointing any fingers and they simply want to find out what is happening to prompt these episodes. When I have my daughter the visits are wonderful - she is affectionate, happy, calm and relaxed, and asks for more time with me and asks when shell finally be able to sleep over. She also tells the therapists in sessions that our visits are going great and asks them when she gets to sleep over. The time with my daughter and our relationship are very conflicting with the reports of these sleep episodes by my ex-N - he claims they only happen after visits with me, however she never remembers them. It is his word against everyones. He has apparently recorded an episode she had, so there is proof they happened (or at least one happened). While talking to childs individual therapist today, she informed me that my ex reported that an episode occurred last Tuesday night - the same night that I had spent the day volunteering in daughters class and took her to dinner and swimming lessons. However, ex had me drop her off that night at his parents house where they were celebrating his gfs birthday and they had cake and opened presents after 9:00 (on a school night). This was obviously out of her routine, and it was previously suggested by the therapist that our child has no sugar after a certain time of day and sticks to a very strict bedtime routine. When talking later to our reunification therapist, who I see along with my daughter together, she informed me my ex sent an email today stating our daughter had episodes both Sunday and Monday nights - and I saw her Saturday (she also went to a slumber party Friday night and was up until 1:00 so she was very tired this weekend - shes eight). He blames me for these episodes and has said they happen like clockwork only after she sees you. I reported this to the therapists. To me, it seems very odd that she only has episodes on the nights after she sees me - especially because we genuinely have great visits and she ASKS to stay with me, and because she doesnt remember them the therapists only have exs word to go on. I absolutely dont want to discount my daughters episodes if they are indeed occurring and the therapists know that I want to do whatever work we can if they are indeed being caused by me, but something just doesnt seem right. I went against my lawyers advice today by reaching out to the therapists to get their input - my ex says I am pushy and makes me look like I am trying to be too involved, and therefore reports me as such to the therapists and GAL. My attorney said that because of this I should lay off - but I just cant sit back and let this happen anymore. One therapist finally said today that her next recommendation is to have my daughter evaluated by a specialist - something Ive been asking for for weeks. I opened up to her and told her I am very concerned by these reports and asked if they are also looking into other factors, such as separation anxiety and the fact that my ex drills our daughter after our visits. My ex has already manipulated the court into thinking my parents are a huge problem, and they were ordered no contact with my daughter in the last order. This is devastating because they have a wonderful relationship with her and they havent been able to see her or even talk to her in two months. How in the world can I get past this?! Im praying his true colors come shining through to these therapists soon. Ive been told to wait this out, and that Im doing everything I can right now - but red flags are all over the place and I feel like Im the only one seeing them.
Posted on: Wed, 16 Oct 2013 03:57:05 +0000