HERE IS A PHOTO OF A BABY GOAT HAVING A NAP ...but mostly its just a Facebook inappropriate post expressing my personal anguish at the state of things. I feel I shouldnt have to be ashamed for over sharing because everyone else does. It’s not unlike those who share pictures of themselves as they were drunk last night, or those describing cholesterol and liver function. Anyway, I’d like to get around to telling you how I really feel but It’s rather an uncomfortable subject for you –and you would much rather have a look at the adorable goat. You know what I said to myself? “Nobody wants to hear your pathetic whining about your emotional struggles, everyone struggles, everyone is empty,” I said. “You’re just lazy, lazy and ignorant—and tired? You don’t know what tired is. Depression is a made up disorder for bored, lazy, rich, white housewives. I’ve seen the commercials, women in their jammies staring longingly out the window, hoping for a better day. It’s the preoccupation of spoiled, weak, little women. You’re not weak though, are you? No. We don’t like to drag anyone down with our dreary moping. We don’t like asking for help, because when we do, it just shows that you are weak and incapable and stupid.” “Oh and when you do get help, it changes you, and in a bad way. It doesnt matter that it makes you feel better, it’s cheating. Medicine and therapy it’s taking the easy way out. The medicine changes you, so you are not you, it makes you act differently. I don’t know why you would submit to a professional’s influence, why can’t you just find your own way? It builds character.” I am in pain, and cycling through some pretty intense emotions. I’m trying so hard to act like my normal self, but I can’t be my normal self. I don’t like to place blame on anyone for my problems. I don’t like to ask for help, but I will because I have a responsibility to take care of myself I have a responsibility to care for others. I don’t want sympathy, and I really hope you don’t understand what it’s like to feel this way. Perhaps if you could understand, at least, that I’m not crazy, or constantly dreary, that I’m just in pain right now and I can’t pull myself out of it despite my best, and sometimes worst efforts.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 06:30:02 +0000
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