**HOME AWAY FROM HOME** EPISODE 7 I made passionate love to Juliet althrough the nite as i looked from time to time at my closed door to see if i would just hear a knock that would ruin my Life. I heard a knock, i almost fainted. Juliet went to open the door, it wasnt Dami but Kelvin who came to collect matches to light his stove to cook, he was talented in nocturnal cooking. Thoughout the weekend i never heard anything from Dami. Soon it was monday. I woke up, said a little prayer, did some push ups, put on my Dvd to play my morning anthem; better days by tupac. As the song came blasting from my small but mighty speakers, i stared at the big Tupac wallpaper on my wall saying e no go better for pesin wey kill tupac oh. I took my bath, tried to make a choice of cloth i would wear to sch. e go better for Juliet oh, see as she help me wash all my cloth, na wetin i like her for b dat, but d tin i no like her for b say she too dey demand money, see as she collect 4k from my hand as she dey go her house i tot. I got to the sch and.............. flow, principal wan see u for him office oh Kelvin said. but wetin i do na? i tot as i took calculated steps to the principals office. Corper Ugo, i found out that amongst all the corpers, u are the only one taking only one class; which is SS3A, and since we want a corper that would anchor the morning assembly, the management has selected you for the job the old principal said, no problem sir, i would do my best i assured. Before i left the principals office i collected our clearance letter for January, which all of us where to submit at our weekly CDS meeting at the secretariat. As i was thinking how i would perform the task the principal just gave me excellently, i heard have u seen SAWMY it was Lola asking me what i couldnt hear well, and i said eehn, u said?, i said, have u seen SAWMY she said again oooh SAMMY ehn i said realizing it was SAMMY she was pronouncing as SAWMY. yeah she said nodding her head. Sammy is under the tree discussing with Suliat i said pointing at where Sammy and Suliat sat. see Oyibo rekpete oh, so na Sammy nahim don turn to Sawmy, i wonder how Angom take dey hear wetin dis girl dey talk when two of them dey talk, if na me be Angom ehn, me and dis girl go dey quarel well well oh, and i almost toast the babe oh i tot. As Lola catwalked to where Sammy and Suliet was seated, wait oh!! Sammy don dey near this Suliat babe dis days oh, abi him wan chyke am, ibo man wey dey chyke alhaja ehn wetin Sammy see for that worwor Suliat babe sef? i asked myself. well, like they say: beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder i tot. As i was returning from sch dat day, i stoped by Damis Shop but i didnt see her, instead i saw her mum, Abi, she no like me and she no know how she go take tell me Abi, she don travel all these clouded my head as i walked silently with my guys home. I was in the backyard smoking when i heard a knock at my door. Angom, i don tell u say i no go give u dat my shoe, u still dey come knock my door, abi u dey mad i cursed thinking it was Angom. The person continued knocking, it was then i realized it wasnt Angom so i rushed to see who it was. I tot i was dreaming, it was Dami, the pretty Dami. what were u doing behind that u couldnt hear me knock she asked i was sweeping i fired the bigest lie of the century. come in, u are welcome to my humble cubicle abode i said ushering her in. As she passed me i could smell the fragnance of her cologne, which made my head spin. u see Dami, i love u so much, i would place no one above u if u give me ur love, i promise not to break ur heart i said as if i was singing a song. u see Flow, i care about u too, i wanted to take out more time to think before i made a decision thats why i didnt come as promised, but one thing u should know is that if we start a relationship, it shouldnt end with ur service year, and i dont share my man, the day i catch u wit another girl ehn......... she paused i dont have any girl in my life except u i said another lie of the century. We talked and talked until it was getting dark, she told me her mum would be looking for her by now, so she left. Immediately she left PHCN brought light, as i stared at my red bub, i said to myself Dami is sure the light to my world. I put on my musical system and i played tupac- do for love all through till i slept of. As i slept, i dreamt i was chased with a matchete by Juliet, as i ran for my dear life, i saw Dami runing to my direction with a big Gun. I didnt know where to run to, and suddenly i heard............... GBOOOOM, a gun was fired, i tot i saw the bullet drill a hole in my chest. I woke up breathing like i just ran 100m race with my opponent as Usain bolt, i put on my torch light to lighten the dark room and............... I saw my pot of soup poured on the floor.. Rats!!!...............two big rats ran out of my cupboard, тнey were as big as a cat. so na rat nahim wake me from that bad dream? i asked myself as i grabed my broom ready for battle. I struck the cupboard and they ran out, i struck again at them, missing, they ran fast to hide close to my bed. I saw them climbing the wall as i struck again hiting the one behind making it fall on my head, as it fell on my head, i couldnt help but speak in tongues in a loud voice. I lèft my door open for them to run out but they didnt. The one i struck at didnt die but ran back to the cupboard. Now with the two rats in different hiding places, i decided to go after the one at the cupboard. I struck at the cupboard again making the rat run out to my direction, as i felt it touch my legs, i spoke in tongues again adding Swahili this time. I fell like an iroko tree making an earthquaking effect on the floor. wetin dey happen there, Flow u dey ok? Ilorin asked from his room, i dey ok oh i lied. abi dem send this two rat to come kill me, dem fit b winch oh? i asked myself as i stood up heading to the direction of the one on the wall; hiding behind my curtain. I struck and it ran to join the other one at the cupboard, i ran after it with fury not knowing that i had steped on the okro soup on the floor. I sliped off dancing Micheal Jackson break dance and.................. Gbam! i fell like a bag of beans. make una come help me oh, i don die oh!! i shouted at the top of my voice as i saw the two rats ran out of the open door. Allahu Akbar!!! Allahu Akbar!!! That was the mosque close to our house calling for prayer; that has been my wake up alarm for a while now. With soup all over my body, i stood up from my rug where i slept. Now i could feel my head ache. I cleaned up the mess in my room, took my bath and as i was putting on my cloth, my eyes was admiring the beautiful girl in the coca-cola calender that hung on my wall. wetin be todays date sef i said as i drew nearer to the calender................ oboy oh today na February 13, tommorow na valentine. I said as my face went gloomy. Government never pay us alawi, money wey i get for bank don finish, and Juliet go want make i buy something for her dis valentine, wetin i go do na? i tot as i walked alone to sch. I got to sch early and met only few students, i used the opportunity to complete my lesson note. As i was writing my lesson note, someone taped me from behind. I turned to see Kehinde, are u feeling better now? i asked yes sir she said. ehn sir, i would like to come to your house for you to teach me velocity calculations, since our WAEC would soon start and i dont understand anything on velocity Kehinde said, ehn u see ehn Kehinde i would not be around, i would be going to Church this evening i said a BIG fat lie. The students finished reciting the national anthem and the pledge, so it was time for me to give them a word of advice. u see students its not good to be bad boys and girls, obey ur parents, dont join bad gangs, for the boys; dont smoke immediately i said dont smoke, i saw Angom laughing behind. ur papa there, Angom u no dey smoke, na only me? i tot. That day, the sch paid us the 4k they usually give all corpers every mönth as a token of appreciation. I was very happy. so i go fit take Juliet out tommorow b dat, make i call her tell her make she come sef i said to myself as i walked home with my guys. Juliet came that evening as expected. She cooked, we ate and as we were about to do the thing i realized i had no C*ondom. I rushed out to get a c*ondom. I couldnt tell the kind of bad breeze that blew me to Damis shop, instead of me to go buy it somewhere else. Lucky enough i didnt meet her there but her mum. i want to buy Con............ as i was about to add dom i saw Dami entered, so instead of dom i added flakes making it CONFLAKES. I sadly paid for the cornflakes and left. With the cornflakes in my hands, i walked down the street in search of C*ondom, all the shops i went to had closed for the day, so i was left with no choice but to walk back home. Angom u get c*ondom? i asked as i entered Angoms room, wetin u wan take am do? Angom asked the most silly question i have ever heard i wan blow am dey play ball i answered. if u get, give me abeg no dey ask mumu question i said i no get, go ask Ilorin he said angrily. what are u doing with cornflakes? Juliet asked as i tried to figure out a lie to say i bought it for a student that scored the highest in my C/A test i lied. I made love to Juliet with the C*ondom i collected from Ilorin. i no dey enjoy this babe again, she no dey sweet again, i know say Dami go sweet pass no be say i no like Juliet again oh, but the thing be say if person chop Okro soup everyday, e go like wan chop Egusi soup na i tot as i lay on my bed n*aked. Juliet left very early in the morning, so as to go prepare for sch. As she were about leaving i saw from the corner of my eyes that she collected money from my wallet. I woke up after she left, checked my wallet to see that she actually collected 2k. dis Juliet no go kill me oh, she too like money, c as Dami dey dash me things, Juliet own na to dey dry me i tot as i prepared for sch. As i steped out of our compound, i saw Ojiga; Mama alhajas grandson came out of a Honda car. corper ba wóni? he greeted mò wápa i responded in Yoruba as we shook hands. The car dat dropped him zoomed off raising dust everywhere. c dis small boy dey flex the whole Ilesa oh, him mate dey sec sch oh, where him dey c d money wey him dey spend sef i tot as i walked the lonely part that leads to the sch. I arrived the sch, entered the corpers office to meet Lola who also came early because she was now in charge of inspecting the class-rooms to see if they were swept well every morning. good morning Miss Lola i said with a big smile good morning Ugochukwu she said wow!! its been long i heard someone called me by that name i said as i looked straight to her charming eyes. Are u in any way related to Tyra Banks? i asked no she responded because with this red dress u are putting on, u remind me of Tyra Banks, infact Tyra Banks beauty is 98% while yours is 100% i flattered. eewh!! Ugo u have ur way with words of flattery, thats why i like u she said giggling no like me oh, i have my way with words of flattery because i graduated with first class for university of chyking women, but dem no teach me with dis ur type of phoney oh i said in my mind. As i walked home from sch with my guys, i saw this beautiful blue gown in a boutique, Sammy, how u see that gown? i asked e make sense oh, u wan buy am for ur girl? Sammy asked yes oh, but if e cost i no go buy am i said Flow u get money to buy something for babe, me na my babe Lola buy this watch for me for Valentine Angom said showing me his fine rolex wrist watch, ur babe papa get money na i added. I dey hungry oh, who get food for house Kelvin the glutton said how u no go hungry, na food full this ur big belle i teased. kelvin no mind am, me sef dey hungry Ilorin said, as nobody cook for house, make we enter Iya Ruka canteen go eat na, i go pay for everything Angom assured. We entered the canteen to eat Iya Ruka u get fufu? Sammy asked, i no get oh, na Amala and ewedu dey she said, so as na only Amala and ewedu dey, make we dey go na i said, Flow make we stay, u no know say Amala and Ewedu dey sweet Ilorin said how e no go sweet for u, no b Yoruba boy u be, me i never chop Amala and Ewedu since dem born me oh, Angom what of u? i asked Angom we dey chop Amala for benue na, abi Kelvin? Angom asked Kelvin Amala dey plenty for Benue na Kelvin replied. Sammy erièlá Amala mbú i asked Sammy in Ibo, éribém yà oh Sammy responded. With me and Sammy as the only first timers in the Amala and Ewedu show, we ate on. I couldnt help but close my eyes as i ate, as if i was eating poo. I took a glance at Sammy from time to time noticing his face onlike mine was not like he was eating poo, but his face was poo itself. well, there is always a first time i assured myself as i ate on. ehen, guys today na my birthday oh Kelvin said eheeen, today na ur birthday nahim u no tell us since i said yes i dey tell una now because i been think say i no go celebrate am because money no dey my hand for morning time, but now i don collect my money for one teacher for sch wey borrow money for my hand Kelvin added. so na where e go be dis evening na? Angom asked Kelvin. na for Alejo lowo joint we go shayoh na Kelvin said. We finished eating and as we came out of the canteen, i told my guy i wanted to go buy dat gown i saw, dat they should go home without me. I headed to the boutique not knowing the wahala that was waiting in the boutique for me. I got to the boutique, stared for a while at the beautiful gown, and then walked in. As i walked in, i was shocked when i saw Dami to the extent that the book i held in my hands fell. hello!! My princess, how do u do? i said as i quickly picked up my books from the floor, am fine, what did u come to do in a female boutique? Dami asked as i searched for the best lie in my brain-box of lies. ehn! ehn! ehn, i came to see if they sell Male Perfumes here i lied do u sell perfumes? Dami asked the boutique attendance no we dont the attendance responded. I discussed with Dami as she selected some clothes, asking me if they were beautiful on her. I told her all the clothes were beautiful on her, even though some of them made her look like a clown. thank God say this girl no say make i pay for this clothes wey she buy oh she no fit talk like dat sef, mehn!! see as this girl don make me no buy that cloth for Juliet again wetin i go tell Juliet say i buy for her this valentine sef, abeg i no get money jor, i go switch off my phone so she no go fit call me throughout today, abi na must say person go do valentine i tot of all these as i walked with Dami. when would u pay me a visit? i asked Dami i dunno, u know am always at my mums shop, ok lets say tommorow evening she promised. Dami reached her mums shop and i was left alone walking home. Just then, i could feel my stomach rumble, abi i wan purge? i asked myself as i walked faster. I got home, and i instantly rushed to the toilet to defecate. The toilet was locked from inside, who dey there oh i shouted na me oh Sammy said, Sammy so u sef dey purge? e be like say na dat Amala and Ewedu oh i shouted na so oh Sammy said guy do quick oh, d s*hit wan comot for my nyash oh, make i no s*hit for body oh i shouted again as i felt something moving in my bowels. Something watery suddenly came out of my a*nus, i don s*hit for my body be dat oh i said to myself. I was sweating profusely. I couldnt bear it any longer so i decided to do short-put, i looked for the nearest nylon bag, bend down, did my thing in the nylon bag. As i defecated in the nylon bag, i felt relieved, when the preferable is not available, the available becomes preferable. When toilet is not available, short-put becomes preferable i said to myself. It took ages before i finished defecating yet Sammy was still inside the toilet. u dey born pikin there, abi u go sleep there? i asked Sammy Guy see wetin Amala and Ewedu don do us he responded. I tot of where to throw my poo away, and i concluded to throw it over the fence to the next compound. I threw it the way athletes throw short-put in the Olympics, and i heard.......... ........... Yee!!!! ,My head!!!.....who be that!!! who throw that thing. Flow come out make we go meet them Kelvin for Alejo lowo joint na, dem go don dey wait us oh Sammy said knocking at my door, i dey come make i wear cloth i responded from inside. I put on my Drinking cap; thats my black Kangol cap and we were off to Alejo lowo joint. As we got there. The other guys were already on their second bottles. I immediate told the birthday boy Kelvin to pass me my brand 1759(guinness). As i was almost done with my first bottle Angom said, Alomo dey here to pour for your drink oh how u go mix Alomo and beer, u wan die? i cautioned. Flow e dey make sense oh, doctor say e dey good for heart, try am na Ilorin said, pouring some Alomo into my beer. I siped the mixture, and contrary to what Ilorin said, it was burning my heart. Soon Kelvin ordered pepper soup for everybody. As i drank the hot pepper soup i tot i heard something fall internally from my chest to my stomach. abi my heart don fall comot? i asked myself as i continued drinking. I was on my 5th bottle, and i was seriously floating in the skies. make we smoke weed na Angom said, u dey mad oh, we never drink all this drinks wey still remain u wan smoke weed, e b like say u no like ur brain oh i said. I drank my 6th, 7th and 8th bottle, i had broken my previous record of 7 bottles, i didnt break the record only on 1759 but 1759 mixed with Alomo, so its a great midestone in my drinking career. Just then, Ojiga came to our table, after he shook hands with all of us, he ordered for another bottle round for everybody, as the bottles were brought, Ojiga went back to his table where he was drinking with a guy. Ilorin, u sure say dis Ojiga no plan with those robbers make dem come rob Mama Alhaja i said yes oh, u no c as him dey spend money, and him dey follow big big boys wey dey drive motor sef, even sef that guy wey him sidon with there fit b that same guy wey come beat me for toilet that day oh Ilorin said. It was time to leave and Kelvin went to plead with Ojiga for them to take us home with their car because it was late and we wouldnt see a cab. Everybody stood up to leave except me. Flow stand up make we dey go na, abi u wan sleep here Sammy attacked wey my leg, who carry my leg, wey my leg? i asked as they all laughed beyond control. mumu, c your leg with u, no body carry ur leg Angom shouted dragging me up my foot. I walked like a baby that just started walking to where the car was parked. As the car drove off, my stomach was begining to rumble as if i wanted to throw up guy no vomit inside dis car oh i told myself. As we all walked drunk to our rooms, comot for my room na, na ur room be dis? i asked Ilorin, mumu, na my room u dey enter, abi u no dey c well Ilorin answered. We both entered Ilorins Room, as i lay down on his bed to sleep.......................uhn gboon, ngboooo!!!................... Flow u don Vomit for my bed oh. WATCHOUT FOR EPISODE 8
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 10:08:25 +0000
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