Had an appt with my OBGYN yesterday to discuss options,was seriously reconsidering trying again,but after being reminded of all the risks with my age and health problems, and the hell I went through for 9 months of my life with all the appts,tests,bloodwork,ultrasounds, trips to boston,dealings with the assholes at morton,poking myself up to 8 times a day,not being able to eat anything but apples,pears,yogurt etc.i would do it all again for Christian, but not for a child I could possibly lose or be born ill because of something I did or didnt do,I didnt have a choice with Christian, he wasnt planned, he just came into my life as surprisingly as he left it.i cried last night, and I threw up and I cried some more and I passed out from the exhaustion of it all,when I awoke I could barely open my eyes,I didnt think I had any tears left,but here I sit yet again crying,my life is over.i have nothing left . all hope is completely gone,all faith non existent,disappeared. I dont write these posts for attention or sympathy,I just need to vent,get it out of my system, if you choose to read and comment its entirely up to you,if you dont ,i wont lose any sleep over it, I lose enough sleep seeing my sons beautiful face every time I close my eyes and realize Ill never touch him again . I am and will be miserable till the day I die,which cant come quick enough.
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 11:54:56 +0000
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