Happy birthday in heaven... May 28th, 2014 Dear Dad, Today is your 71st birthday, and you’re not here to celebrate. It was incredibly bizarre and painfully difficult to try and carry on with life today knowing that it is your special day, but not being able to call you up and chat. There was an emptiness in my heart and a heaviness in the air around me all day long. All I wanted to do was hear your voice. But beyond the obvious, something else was missing. That something was my annual happy birthday phone call to you, first thing in the morning. (Sidenote: I have to laugh as I type that, because it reminds me of the many heated discussions you and I had over the years regarding the very phrase “first thing in the morning.” Allow me to refresh your memory- To you, this ambiguous timeframe always meant roughly 4:02 am, whereas to me (and the rest of civilization,) it typically means anytime between seven and eight... but I digress.) Anyways, back to that happy birthday phone call. I’m sure it would have started with me saying something obligatorily endearing like “So tell me Dad, how does it feel to be 35 again?” And you would have responded, without missing a beat, “35?! I’m only 25! Geez, Trace, check your math!” You then would have dispensed advice to me on life, on happiness, and on how lucky and blessed you feel to have had so many wonderful years on this Earth. And I’m sure this year would have been no different, and the conversation would have taken a somewhat somber tone as you went down the path of, “....You know, Trace, none of us really knows how much time we have left. Who knows, this could be my last birthday ever...” And I would have rolled my eyes and told you to stop being so Eeyore-like, and to start infusing a little bit more Tigger into your perspective because “...Come on, Dad, we ALL know you will live to be a billion...” I’m sure you and Mom would have gone out somewhere fun for dinner. (Maybe Mexican?) ...And I’m positive you would have had a few ice cold margaritas-- (frozen, with salt.) Tonight I would have had the kids Skype with you like we did last year, so they could virtually “help” you blow out your birthday candles from a few hundred miles away. (God bless technology, huh?) The unfortunate reality, is that none of those things happened today. Nor will they ever again. Today is just another painful “first” in this awful process. Another yucky milestone. Another day where I stumbled aimlessly through the day trying to reorganize my mind and reassess former traditions to embrace my new reality; The reality that every May 28th from here on out, my Dad will be celebrating his birthday with the angels while I’m thinking about and missing him like crazy from him down here. Not knowing who else to ask for advice or ideas about how to make it through the day today, I turned to my trusty little sidekicks. We talked about how it was Grampy’s birthday and I asked them how they might like to celebrate this year. “Hmmm, well Grampy looooooved cupcakes!” Gav said, tapping his finger to his chin with a huge smile spreading across his face. As much as I could see right through his brilliant ploy to use your birthday as a vehicle to getting a cupcake into his OWN belly, (well played, Gav)-- he actually had a valid point. You DID love cupcakes, and that is a cold hard fact. And so it was unanimously decided that cupcakes is how we’d celebrate, and we baked them together this afternoon. “Oooh, I have a great idea!” Ava announced as the cupcakes cooled. “Why don’t we decorate each cupcake with something that reminds us of Grampy! Like a word or a picture or something?” “Fantastic idea!” I said. I was so proud of her for coming up with an idea so thoughtful. And so we did. As much as I crave writing-- especially as a form of therapy at this particular point in my life-- sometimes a picture truly is worth a thousand words. And so without further ado, may I please present to you a photo documentary of our “Happy birthday Grampy cupcake celebration, 2014!!!” Dad, I know you were there with us today and hope it lights you up inside to know just how loved and cherished you are not just today, but every day. We miss you more than words will ever adequately convey, but you are still very much alive in our hearts. We love you and will never stop remembering you through laughter, smiles, and cupcakes. Happy birthday in heaven #NewTraditions #GrampysBirthdayCupcakes #happy71stDad #findTheGood
Posted on: Wed, 28 May 2014 22:56:20 +0000
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