Have you ever hated yourself? Like truly hated yourself? Like instead of looking in the mirror and pointing out your best features, like practicing your smile or making cute faces, youre just staring at someone who has lost practically everything they have once loved about themselves, just seeing someone who is ugly. Someone who is empty, confused of who they are, someone who no matter how happy they are, they will always have those nights where they feel empty. Someone who stands in front of the mirror, and sees someone else. Standing in front of the mirror, thinking to themselves how ugly, and disappointing they are? Well thats what I see when I look in the mirror. These past few years took away everything I loved about myself. I want to break every mirror I look into. I no longer see a happy beautiful girl. I see someone who hates them self so much that they cant bear to look at them self any longer. I hide behind makeup and a smile. No matter how happy I am with my boyfriend, or my family, at the end of the day, I feel empty, depressed. And there is nothing I (or anyone else) can do about it! I feel trapped in my own body. I feel like everything bad that happened to me was my fault. There is so much I hide about my life, because even I am embarrassed about what happened to me. I almost feel like I am mentally ill because of the way I feel, and think. I will never be the person I am on the outside, the person I am on the inside. No matter how hard I try, I feel as though I will never be the girl I want to be. And I hate that! With everything that has happened in my life, it has made me hate myself. I only hope that the day will come where I dont consider suicide as an option for when life gets too much to handle. Granted, I would never have the balls to go through with it, its just always a thought that I have in the back of my head dragging me down. And before you think Im begging for attention you can stfu! I dont want anyones sympthany. I dont want anyone to comment stop it youre beautiful and have a lot going for you because that seriously doesnt make anything better. If anything it makes me feel worse. I didnt write this for attention, I just wanted people to know that I am not the person I make myself out to be. Moral of the story. Never judge a book by its cover, because there can be a lot inside those pages that you would of never of thought would be there. Please dont comment on this. Because if you truly cared, or were a true friend, you would of already known all of this.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 03:56:06 +0000
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