Having suffered from Depression for an extremely long time, I know first hand the struggle of waking up every single day. I know what its like to have to turn to something, just to numb out the pain of reality. Feeling so alone, surrounded by billions of people. To consistently feel left alone in a dark room with no way out. To be filled with so much sadness and loneliness and not knowing how to stop it. To recognise that pain, yet know that there is nothing you could possibly do to make it stop. Nothing. To be by all these people you know, and silently wish, just wish that for a second they would notice you, and tell you everything will be just fine. Not sit there and tell you everything that you should be doing, or tell you what youre doing wrong, but tell you that theyll help you whenever possible. Whenever and wherever. To fear being left alone by yourself. To have your mind tell you to kill yourself. Tell you that nobody cares about you. Tell you that its never going to get better. Tell you that if its done quickly then there will be no more pain. To desire nothing more than to be happy. That when you put your head down at night, you just sleep. No thoughts come your way. But you know that it doesnt work like that. You understand the limitations. Why cant people see this? Why do they think Im just sad? Why do they think that with just the flip of a switch, I can change my outlook and be positive? How can people be so heartless and unresponsive to a quiet plea of desperation from someone in immense emotional and mental pain? How could they possibly think they understand because theyve had some bad days also? You dont know the pain of having to be burdened by such a trial. How tired you feel. How hard it is just to try like a normal person. How exhausting it is to just get out of bed. And do you know what the worst part of it all is? What people say about someone like me. That Im selfish. Im weak. Other people have it much worse than you. Just think happy thoughts. It hurts. It hurts a lot. You smile, smile constantly. But when youre alone, you break down and just cry. Nobody can know though because its a sign of weakness. What man cries himself to sleep? When youre in the shower and youre panting and gasping for air from the constant exercise of thinking. So you sit. And you cry. Nobody hears you while the waters running. You hide the true reality of the pain you experience, because youre dramatic if you show it. Youre attention seeking, and you dont want to be that, because then everyone will hate you, and you need all the friends you could possibly get. So you hide it. And you suffer in quiet. When will someone look past that charade and step into the room with you, and just sit there with you? But they wont. Depression isnt real. Only weak attention-seeking people have depression. Its an excuse so people feel sorry for us. Thats what they all believe. So no matter what, youre alone, in this big wide world. And nothing can change that. So you put on that raincoat and weather the storm for as long as you can until you weather it out, or it consumes you in its wrath. When will it end? I feel sorry for Robin Williams. I know that pain. But 63yrs old? When will it ever stop? Can I last longer than 63yrs old at the rate Im going? Am I strong enough? You dont know the pain of suffering and living with Depression. You dont know the struggle it is to just do those simple tasks. You dont know. But you can help. You can help if you truly try. Truly commit yourself to helping and saving someone. Make them a priority. Not a checklist. Go out of your way, above and beyond that, to support someone going through this. Not just pep talks here and there. Not just casual visits here and there. Invest all or nothing. Literally ALL of you. If you loved them, then you could lighten their load. Because it hurts. And you may never understand that pain endured throughout this ordeal. It is real. And it does exist. Have a heart. Please... Please know that it is real, and you can do something, If you invest the time. You can save someones life...
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 09:36:42 +0000