Hello my love. I sure did miss you today. I didnt realize how hard thanksgiving would be without you. The funny thing I it was never a super special day for me. I guess I always enjoyed being with family but all the food never meant much. I think that is why I was so shocked at how bad it hit me. I swear if I could have just crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over my head today I would have. However I knew Hailee needed me to be ok so I pretended to be even if I wasnt. The kitties and joeys also did make me smile several times today. It amazes me that even when I feel like crying they can make me smile and laugh. It reminded me today of when lil angel came home and hailee and I played with her in our bedroom and I laughed for the 1st time since your death. I remember then thinking how amazing it was that a cute baby kitten could take me from tears to laughter so easily. I wish everyone could see the magic that these precious animals possess. If people understood and saw their magic no one would ever be allowed to harm an animal again. They would get the wonderful life they all deserve :) I took the baby gliders Achilles and bugga boo to dinner with me and wow did Achilles love fruit salad. He was in heaven as he licked cool whip and ate a maraschino cherry. Bugga boo was impressed by the cool whip but not as much by the fruit. Achilles even let Shay Erics girlfriends daughter hold him and was very good and sweet with her. He may have created another glider lover :) The kitties got to come over too and Brenna fell in love with Sage. I sat at dinner thinking about last year sitting next to you and reaching over several times through dinner just to rub your arm or squeeze your hand letting you know I loved you. I remember my mom packing up bags of left overs for you to take to Idaho for snacks that night. Good thing I have all these little animals and the kids to take care of because otherwise I would be lost. I am just beginning to realize how much time and effort I put into making things as good for you as I could. It was one small way I could show you how much I loved you. I was telling my friend today how much I have learned from your death. I dont see things in the same way anymore. Now I am so aware of the little moments in life. Its like my brain now takes this picture to record all these little things. I keep saying how forgetful I am lately but maybe its because I am storing my mind full of small moments in time instead of the other stuff that used to be so important. Things like watching my mom smile as Hailee tells her something. Watching Hailees delight over a makeup kit Brenna gave her, seeing the look of happiness and love on Brennas face as she snuggled the baby kitten, seeing Marks excitement over being able to see Dans family for dinner. Ill never again seethe tiny moments in life without wanting to just record it forever. Those moments with you are what keep me going. Its really not the big things I would have thought would be so important. It wasnt the gifts or the places we went. It is always the smiles and words of love or actions that showed me how much you loved me that come back to me. Ill now know that the holidays should not be about the gifts but the special time with those you love, the smiles and laughter, the words spoken to each other. Those are the things that will go on even after we are gone. Now I will spend the rest of my life treasuring those small moments. Ill never forget the feeling of complete peace of contentment the minute you pulled me into your arms. If I could bottle that feeling I would be a millionaire. Since it is thanksgiving Im trying to remember all the things I have to be thankful for. My amazing family is at the top of my list, my wonderful friends who seem to be there for me when I am feeling my very worst. The kind words of love and support mean so much. I know I have been so blessed for all the wonderful people in my life. When I say how its so important to be aware of the small moments its also that important to be aware of how much what you say affects others. I remember the times when you would be mad at me over being on facebook. Those words also stuck with me, but thankfully they were never a common thing for us. I always knew your dislike of me having so many facebook friends was because of your jealousy. If only you could have understood back then the importance they would all play when you were taken from me. Lastly for tonight what I am very thankful for is that I got the chance to have you in my life. I got to learn the true meaning of love from you. I got taught so many valuable lessons. I love you babe with all my hearty and soul and will for the rest of eternity. Good night babe. I hope you had a good thanksgiving up in heaven :)
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 03:37:38 +0000
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