Help me, please, Lord God. I am not suicidal; at least not yet. But if death came up to me, I would look him straight in the eye and accept my fate without flinching! My eyes tear up constantly, I find myself sobbing without even realizing it. I noticed today that I was sighing over and over constantly. I am already on anti-depression medication, but it is worthless to me. I have no happiness or joy in my life at all, my favorite pastimes are nothing to me now. I shake and tremble, I am weak and faint. I have no will to live, and no appetite. Food has lost its appeal and flavor. I am sick to my stomach and nauseous, and have diahreah. I have endured this for two months so far. If wishes could Annihilate you, I would find peace and rest. I am completely and utterly undone. My soul cries out for solace; and finds no answer. The greatest contentment and joy Ive discovered in my life has nowe evolved into the greatest torment and pain anyone could imagine. Physical pain. My soul hurts as if it had been torn assunder. My heart, as if it had been been gnawed and worried by wild beasts. AGONY! My GOD how can I endure this? I am laid bare before all of my relatives , friends and strangers. And I dont care. My words spurt out out like a bloody fountain from a severed artery. Pooling and congealing upon my page. I would that I could be noble, brave and strong before all, but my conscious wont allow me to decieve. So, I stand here bare and exposed for the weak, wreck that I am, ignoble, and shamed. MERCY heavenly Father! I surrender to You, my only hope for remedy and relief. If this life be a foretaste of damnation eternal, I would not wish it upon anyone. Cruel, cold heartless life. Amen.
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 05:25:47 +0000
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