Here is the article that The Great North Arrow published of Leah Olivia Oliveira`s. She is such a gifted writer. Mental Illness. By Leah Oliveira Bi-Polar. General Anxiety Disorder. Depression. Don’t they sound so intimidating? Like those big loaded words don’t belong in my vocabulary, because they don’t belong in my life. But they have placed themselves deeply into my mind and lodged their chemical imbalance into my brain. At times they run my life or simply my emotions. But don’t our emotions define our reality? Or at the very least influence our state of mind? My life was thrown into chaos about 5 years ago when I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Type 2 and General Anxiety Disorder. I was already suffering for years but the medication(s) I was prescribed caused both a reprieve and some trouble for me. The right and wrong meds have been in and out of my body/mind for these past few years. But I don’t want my story to scare people off of the idea of taking meds, because they have both saved me and hurt me. That’s just part of this experience and the journey of mental illness. I am not going to allow negative reactions to some meds destroy my chance of discovering the right meds that will empower me and my mind. It’s an intimidating experience and daunting at times, but the hope that survives the storms allows myself to give another chance for another round of medication. I have this picture in my head: I see myself healthy and fit again. Happy and content. Successful and thriving. I know I have that possibility because of the meds. The little pills in the palm of my hand hold the possibility of life at it’s fullest. So I swallow the bitter pill of current disappointment and suffering to make it all disappear in the hope of a new beginning…my beginning. For those of you who do not know what Bi-Polar and General Anxiety Disorder are, here is a brief and simplified explanation: Bi-Polar (or manic-depressive) is when your emotions are up and down, happy then sad, high then low, hyper then melancholy, manic then depressed with spotted periods of steady, “normal” emotions. Manic states are typically known for their wild, sporadic behaviour, non-stop/rapid talking, days of all-nighters, unreasonable fits of anger and risky choices. But with Bi-Polar Type 2 it’s less extreme and more like a happy, energetic, vivacious, talkative bouts of getting everything done. But there are more times of depression; deep, unrelenting grief that submerges the soul in a sea of dank darkness. Not just the “blues” that get fixed with a little sunlight. No. It’s thoughts so heavy that they bring a blade down to your wrists, wrap a rope around the nave of your neck and tip the bottles of your mediation past your lips. Thankfully I have never done these things because I know I have much to live for. Like my family, pets and God. So these up and down and everywhere emotions are Bi-Polar. Now add unexplainable fear, unreasonable anxiousness and unannounced panic. These are General Anxiety Disorder and currently my life. Am I seeking pity? No. I am seeking power over these illnesses and my meds are what are going to get me there. Also healthy life choices, doing things I love and pushing myself to fight. I do wish that “mental illnesses” was not part of my every day vocab, but currently it belongs there…but I do not belong to them. I am not a survivor of Bi-Polar and Anxiety… they survive me. They cling to my brain as I cling to hope. Hope of that picture of myself will come to fruition and I will be free from the shadows of mental illness and simply be powerful within myself and my thriving existence. So I cling, and I hope, and I encourage the millions of others who suffer from mental illness to cling and hope as well.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Apr 2014 02:44:05 +0000
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