Here is the rough draft. No time to proof read so let me know what mistakes you see? Sometime I will fine tune it. A Little Hair of the Snake That Bit You I’m not sure of the year I had my first nightmare regarding rattlesnakes, but I do know it would become a recurring one several times a year for about a decade. Looking back on my experiences and meetings with them, I’m not surprised by it, but the solution which solved and ultimately led to its demise did. It always had the same theme, one where I would see a rattlesnake in my path; go to take a step to avoid it, only to see another where I was about to step. I would go to take a step back, only to see more behind me. Soon I would realize I was completely surrounded by rattlesnakes and there was no way out, as the ground seemed to come alive in a slithering, hissing, rattling commotion. It always ended with me waking with a start, heart pounding, sweating, and looking around for snakes. These dreams were so life like and real. I hated them. I have had so many run-ins with snakes and rattlesnakes in particular, that I could not possibly begin to list or remember them all, but some of the more humorous and exciting encounters stand out today as clear as if they happened yesterday. Twice I’ve had them strike the cuff of my pants before ever rattling or knowing of their presence beforehand. What felt like a tree branch smacking my pants while walking through thick weeds and then hearing that oh so familiar “buzz” would bring my heart rate to full throttle instantly. With that adrenaline rush comes physical achievements you never dreamt possible. I can only imagine how fast an Olympic runner could run if the race was started by tossing a venomous snake upon them rather than a starter pistol? High jump records, long jump records, and so many more would all be shattered if this were allowed. I have witnessed many mere mortals, myself included, that set some pretty impressive records (some of which were of Biblical proportions by proving man can walk on water), in the field by simply adding a small poisonous snake into the mix. Let me share some. I can still remember Spring time at the gun clubs, when Marc and I would travel to various clubs and catch the babies that we could, taking them home and raising them, releasing them that winter. It might be quail, or pheasants, or on this day, a cottontail rabbit. We watched as one ducked into a small hole and went under a pile of wood. I figured I could sneak over, lie down, peer into the hole and see where he was, and catch him. Easy, right? I had done it numerous times before. So I sneak over, slowly and quietly crawl over to the hole, and peer in. I was expecting to see a furry, fluffy, soft little bunny. Instead, I came face to face with two snakes mating a mere 6 inches from my nose, and neither looked too happy to see this peeping tom. Now, I know how I might react if I was mating and was suddenly interrupted by a snake in my bed, and expected them to react accordingly, so wasn’t going to stick around to give them the chance. I don’t profess to be David Copperfield or any other great magician, but the little trick I performed was certainly magical. I can’t say I ever really thought about “jumping” by using nothing more than my toes, fingertips, and flattened stomach, or ever practiced it, but I somehow managed to levitate myself in a completely horizontal position as if the earth was devoid of all gravity to about a three foot height, at which point (while still airborne), pivoted myself into a vertical position, lowered my landing gear, and with Scooby Doo type peddling legs, ran off to a safe distance. I know the rumor is that snakes can’t strike beyond ¾ of their body length, and I’m sure neither of these snakes were more than 5 feet long, so 3 feet 9 inches should have been sufficient and the 200 yards I ran may have been slightly excessive, but why take chances on “rumors”? Besides, in hindsight, it was their privacy I was concerned about, not my safety. The screams were just to alert any other potential bunny nappers that this was not the place. Needless to say, I would not catch any more baby bunnies again. My next magic trick would occur while dove hunting. I shot a dove that fell into the nastiest clump of weeds in Colorado (don’t they all?), waded into the bunch of tumblers and miraculously found it (a very rare occasion for me). As I leaned over to pick it up and just as I wrapped my fingers around it, a brightly colored red, yellow and black snake slithered across the back of my hand. If ever there were to be a trick shot captured on camera, this should have been it. I leapt straight up into the air and while hanging there, managed to twirl my gun like a baton, point the barrel at this slithering menace, and fired, effectively blowing him in half. I left him the dove as my way of saying “Oops!” It would be this same area, one of Marc’s and my favorite hunting spots that would lead to another close encounter. It was now mid-October and muzzle loading deer season, but the weather had been unusually warm and the snakes were abundant, so we avoided this area as long as we could because of the snakes. Finally, desperate to fill our tags, we decided to give it a try. We had barely entered the weeds when I felt a hard “smack” against the cuff of my Levi’s, and then the loud buzz of a large rattlesnake. With one bound, I went 3 feet up and 4 feet over. I cursed the snake and damned his luck for me not being able to shoot him, not wanting to alert any deer that may be nearby. Marc saw enough and decided this was close enough for him and would just hunt by the Jeep. I pressed on. As I inched through the weeds I would hear two more snakes rattle and warn me to keep my distance, which I did. I worked my way down the creek bed when suddenly I saw on the bank opposite of me what appeared to be a deer head and large rack, but in a very awkward position. I stared forever at it, trying to make out exactly what it was. Now…….Have you ever had an experience where your mind is trying to tell you something, but you’re so interested in something else, you ignore it? That’s what was going on here. My mind was practically screaming at me that there was something wiggly under my foot, but I was so intense on staring at this “deer”, I completely ignored it. Finally….more as if I was answering it with a very annoyed “WHAT?!?!?!” that I finally acknowledged what it was saying and looked down. There, under my tennis shoe, was a very annoyed rattlesnake, trying desperately to wriggle out from under me. Its face said it had enough, and was turning back towards my ankle as if it were going to strike. Now, if my “leap” from a completely horizontal position was impressive, or one from a non-venomous snake was, let me tell you they paled in comparison to the one I was about to unfold. Marc was lucky enough to witness it through his binoculars, otherwise this would always be known as just an exaggeration, but from a standing position I launched upwards as if from a springboard, with my feet at the height my shoulders once were. Apparently the deer I had been watching thought I was a leopard bounding towards it, as it snapped its head down (it had been eating leaves out of the tree, thus giving that weird angle), eyes almost as wide as mine, and made a fairly impressive leap of its own, heading back towards the safety of the river. Had he headed towards the truck, I am pretty sure I would have beat him by a few seconds, but the way it was, we went opposite directions and would not see each other again that year. Antelope and rattlesnakes inhabit the same regions, so it is more expected to see them while antelope hunting. Marc, Cotty, and myself were hunting on an expansive ranch one year. Back in those days, I liked to hunt with Marc, I liked to hunt with Cotty, but I HATED to hunt with Marc AND Cotty!!! It was more than I could take to have these two together, as I’m sure it’s hard for anyone to be around two people that know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING, yet their knowledge didn’t coincide with the others’ opinion. It was like having two nagging wives!! One was plenty. So it was decided I would hunt that morning with Marc, and when he was successful and if Cotty wanted me to join him, I would. Before the sun was even up, Marc and I heard a single shot in the general area where Cotty was supposed to be, and we had seen several nice bucks that year while scouting, so we assumed Cotty must have stumbled upon one in the dark. We continued to hunt. While stalking a small herd, we came upon a small rattlesnake. We didn’t dare shoot it, but we didn’t want to leave it to pose a threat later. While trying to decide what to do, I pinned its head down with the butt of my rifle. This really pissed it off, but he was trapped. Marc decided he would “catch” it, and reached down and grabbed it behind his pinned head, and held it up proudly for display. Yeah, that was cool, but NOW WHAT?!?! We had our small one gallon water jug with us, so we poured out the water, neatly threaded him inside, and on the count of three, Marc would throw his head in and I would seal it with the lid. Worked like a charm. Back to hunting. And more snakes. The “catching” became easier each time, as we gained confidence and arrogance. The putting them in the water jug became the adventure. It was no longer just the snake you were putting in you had to worry about, but the snakes inside striking at you became a concern. A one gallon water jug is not very big, and every snakes length far exceeded the length of the jug, so it became a timing issue and getting them discombobulated with some timely shaking and turning of the jug. We could flip the drinking spout nozzle and peer inside to see what they were doing, and then open it and slam one in as fast as we could. The nozzle was much too small for them to squeeze through, so this worked perfectly. Three snakes and an antelope later, it was time to return to the Jeep. We got everything loaded when here came Cotty driving up to meet us. Like all guys, EVERYTHING is a competition, so we were anxious to see his buck and how it compared to ours. We had not killed the biggest buck we knew was out there, so we were anxious to see what he had killed so early opening morning. When he dropped his tailgate, we were beyond shocked, as there, in the back of his truck, was a buck that was generously being called a “buck”. I wasn’t sure it was even legal (horns must be at least 5 inches in length), and my first response was to say it “looked like a doe with two dog turds stuck to its head!” This immediately led to an eruption of laughter on Marc’s and my part, and Cotty to go in his sullen, grouchy self and stomp over to the Jeep. He grabbed the water jug and blurted out how G.D. thirsty he was and how we had run off with the only water, flipped the spout and began moving it towards his mouth. Now Marc and I were still laughing over my dog turd comment when we saw this, and immediately quit laughing and put our hands up as if to warn him to STOP, but before we could get any words out, it was too late. He tilted his head back, tilted the jug, and put his lips upon the spout. The rattlesnakes must have thought they were about to get another addition to their already cramped quarters, so they let their displeasure be known with very loud BUZZING from their tails. Now…….I know how I have reacted in the past with my encounters, so I will admit that STANDING on a rattlesnake cannot even begin to compare to DRINKING THREE RATTLESNAKES, so I’m sure his reaction was perfectly normal for any person that mistakenly tried to drink from a water jug expecting cool, refreshing water to quench a parched mouth but instead had three very upset rattlesnakes pressed against your lips??? I had no idea a water jug could fly that high without some sort of rocket propulsion, but it did. I also had no idea Cotty’s voice could go that high, but it did. For the record, Cotty had white hair and was pale LONG before he ever met me. I’m sure I only added to it. Once Marc and I composed ourselves from the hysterical ensuing laughter, we went and located the water jug and made sure it was still intact and the occupants were ok, and then checked on Cotty. I’m not sure who was more “rattled”??It would be this scene and knowledge how Cotty reacted with snake encounters that would ultimately lead Marc and I to purposely pulling a prank later on Cotty while elk hunting, but that’s another story. It was these three snakes that would lead to the ending of my recurring nightmares (and probably begin Cotty’s.?) I took them home, bought an aquarium, and secured the lid like it was Fort Knox. Every morning I would wake up and rush downstairs to count, count, count, and recount the snakes to ensure they were all still in there. I would repeat this throughout the day for months until I finally felt comfortable they were not going to escape. In fact, I got so comfortable there were times I forgot about them and would go downstairs in the morning, open the shades and stretch as I peered outside when one of them would suddenly “rattle” and scare the bejeezus out of me, prompting me to kick their aquarium and tell them to shut up, only to think how stupid that was, as what would I do if I had actually broke the thing and they were free? Still……….SHUT UP!!!!!!! Eventually I had to feed these things, so I went to the pet store and inquired what I should feed them? It was decided on mice, but since these snakes were kind of small, I decided on the “pinky” mice, which are babies with their eyes still closed. I bought three of them (one for each snake), and took them home. My daughters, Jessica and Jayme, accompanied me to watch to see how the snakes would react? One by one I dropped the mice into the aquarium. Their movement, squirming and intrusion into the snakes den really upset them, prompting all three to go into the classic “S” striking pose and insanely loud buzzing. The snakes couldn’t decide what to do, their heads twitching and black tongues darting in and out as they tried to identify the intruders and protect themselves. Meanwhile, my very young daughters suddenly noticed the “mice” were babies, and didn’t want to see them get killed or eaten, so they start crying and screaming and wanting me to save these things!! It’s obvious there isn’t time to run and get some tongs or something long to scoop them out of there, but I know from past experience my hands are faster than them (I once killed one with a hammer, but it took me four swings to hit his head, with each miss resulting in him trying to strike me, and me pulling back faster than him, and trying again. Hey!!! I never said I was a carpenter!!It also made Cotty decide I was crazy.) so I decide I will just very quickly reach in and grab one at a time and try to save what I can? This decision resulted in Sheryl (my wife) to start crying and screaming at me that “NO I WASN”T!!!” So here are three VERY UPSET rattlesnakes in a small aquarium, all in a striking pose and rattling like crazy at three helpless, blind mice squirming around, two screaming and crying daughters, and one screaming and crying wife, while I try to concentrate on reaching in and grabbing a mouse as quickly as possible without getting struck. No problem, right? Regardless of whether it was the right thing to do or not, it worked. I was able to grab each mouse out one at a time. My kids were happy. The mice were happy. The snakes settled down. And Sheryl…….well…..I’m not sure she ever recovered from that one? The girls and I packed up the babies and returned them to the pet store, only to be told they don’t accept returns (even for free), so my next option was to just purchase the mother (and of course she had two more babies I HAD to buy), another cage and accessories for all of them. Turns out the “mice” were actually gerbils, and my daughters would grow to HATE gerbils and in hindsight wish the snakes had eaten them. In the meantime, a decision had to be made as what to do with these snakes? If we couldn’t feed them, there was no use in keeping them. On the other hand, if I were to release them and years later get bitten by a snake, I would always wonder if it was them or a relation? So…..they needed to go. To snake heaven. We took them to the gun club, showed them to everybody, and then shot them with our shotguns. I have NEVER had that nightmare again.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 03:01:14 +0000
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