Hey Guys- Continuing down the list of unsafe people, today well chat on people who avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them and people who demand trust, instead of earning it. UNSAFE PEOPLE AVOID WORKING ON THEIR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH THEM Many people are familiar with the Twelve Steps to recovery movement. Using these steps, people suffering from addictions work through their problems, and in a systematic way; they begin to develop character. Unsafe people, however, resist any form of character growth or maturation. Unsafe people: -Do not admit that they have problems, or they think they can solve the problems by themselves -Do not confess when they have wronged someone -Do not forgive people who have hurt them -Avoid facing relationship problems directly and openly -Treat others with a lack of empathy -Are not open to confrontation with others -Are not in the process of learning and growing -Do not take responsibility for their lives -Blame other people for their problems -Do not want to share their problems with others to help them grow People who are uninvolved in character growth can be unsafe, because they are shut off from awareness of their own problems and the resources to transform those problems. Instead, they act out of their unconscious hearts, and then hurt others. UNSAFE PEOPLE DEMAND TRUST, INSTEAD OF EARNING IT The husband who demanded trust from his wife after an affair is a glaring example of someone who feels entitled to trust. But there are other examples that are not so glaring. I knew a man names Donald who demanded trust from his boss. When Donalds boss asked him to account for his work hours, Donald got so offended that he quit the company and complained to others about the offense. Some people feel that they are entitled to trust. We often hear of someone saying, So you dont trust me. Or Are you questioning my integrity? Or You dont believe me. They get defensive and angry because someone questions their actions, and they think they are above being questioned or having to prove their trustworthiness. But none of us is above questioning, and to take offense at it is very prideful. We need others to see our deeds and actions so that they would feel more comfortable. We would want to know what gives them suspicion or fear and try to do everything to allay those fears. Above all, we want to make people feel comfortable with us. In a sense, we should always be open to an audit from the ones we care about. If we are truly serious about growing, we want to know is we are unknowingly doing something wrong. Hidden problems are destructive to us, and is we long to grow, we would want them exposed and healed. I often get questions in seminars from a spouse who has done something wrong but is angry because his or her spouse wont trust me even though I have said Im sorry. They have to be confronted and reminded that trust has to be earned back and trustworthiness has to be demonstrated over time. It is a sad commentary that some husbands and wives are more disturbed by the fact that their spouse wont trust them that they are at whatever they had done to create that level os mistrust. In short, we are not in any way entitles to perfect opinions of us by others. Those opinions are earned. Be wary of people who say, How dare you question my integrity! Cheers, Henry
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 18:13:47 +0000
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