Hey Guys- I hope each of you had a great weekend! This week were going to continue on the discussion of safe people chatting on the unsafe person who blame others instead of taking responsibility and unsafe people who lie instead of telling the truth. UNSAFE PEOPLE BLAME OTHERS INSTEAD OF TAKING RESPONSiBILITY Safe people take responsibility for their lives. Unsafe people dont. When we become aware of our problems and character issues we should deal with them and face the tough changes that we have to make. Instead of doing this, however, unsafe people will often choose to blame other people, their past indiscretions, or anything else they can find. It is called externalizing our problems. In other words, we give the responsibility of whatever we are saddled with away to some outside agent. I did it because I had to. I had no choice. I cant change because my mother abandoned me when I was five. You are ruining my life. He just has it in for me. And on and on. If I walk out of my office today and get hit by a drunk driver, that will not be my fault. but it will be my responsibility to deal with the outcome. I am the one who has to go to the doctor and get surgery. I am the one who will have to go to the physical therapist. I am the one who will have to grieve. And I will be the one who has to work through the anger and do the forgiving. Those things are all my responsibility, even though I did not choose to get hit by a drunk driver. Unsafe people do not do that hard work. They stay angry, stuck and bitter, sometime for life. When they feel upset, they see others as the cause, and others as the ones who have to do all the changing When they are abused, they hold on to it with vengeance and spew hatred for the rest of their lives. When they are hurt, they wear it like a badge. And worst of all, when they are wrong, they blame it on others. Denial is the active process that someone uses t avoid responsibility. It is different from being unaware of sin. When we are unaware, we do not know about our sin. Denial is more active than that. It is a style and an agenda, and it can be very aggressive when truth comes close. People with a style of denial and blaming are definitely on the list of unsafe people to avoid. UNSAFE PEOPLE LIE INSTEAD OF TELLING THE TRUTH In a relationship, honesty is the bedrock foundation of a safe relationship. To the degree that there is deception, there is danger Often we have heard spouses and friends talk about someone that they thought they knew, only to find out that this person was living a whole other life they did not know about. I was talking to a friend yesterday whose entire well-being in finances is gone now because he was deceived in a business relationship. He invested the majority of his money with a con artist. We are all deceivers to some degree. The difference between safe and unsafe liars is that safe people own their lies and see them as a problem to change as they become aware of their deception. Lying gives way to truth, confrontation, humility, and repentance. Unsafe people see deception as a strategy to cling to and to manage life and relationships. They defend instead of give up their lies. And there is no way a relationship can prosper and grow if one person is a liar. Cheers, Henry
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 20:10:08 +0000
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