Hey Guys- Sometimes I want to light my hair on fire when I hear the phrases She must just not want it bad enough or If he really wanted it, he would do it. Many people think that the most important ingredient in accomplishing goals of change is the desire or motivation to do it. They think that if someone has the desire, they will pull it off. If you want something bad enough, you can do it, they say. Conversely, if someone does not do it, then they are guilty of not wanting it bad enough. Not willing to make the sacrifice. AGGHHH! This drives me crazy for several reasons. In fact, research shows that desire and accomplishment of goals can actually be inversely correlated. In other words, sometimes the more something matters to us, the less apt we are to make it happen. The reason is that if we fail to achieve what we desire because we do not posses the skills, discipline, help, information, and other things necessary to pull it off, then we end up being very depressed and give up altogether. How many people, for example have you know who truly would like to lose a lot of weight, but have not been able to? As a result, they get depressed and hopeless and quit trying. Sometimes they eat more. A favorite proverbs of mine says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Our desire can really depress us if we are not able to bring it to fruition. Second, while desire is important, it is not what enables us to accomplish change. There are many ingredients that make change - and the sustaining of that change - possible; and many of them come from outside ourselves. So when we do not have the ingredients, know-how, and help we need, we are pretty much left to the abilities we already have and the results we are already getting. Knowing that I should never go back, and being able not to go back and two entirely different things. For example, remember the principle you cant please everyone? You might now have the knowledge that this is an important life principle, but when you find yourself in a situation that requires you to stand firm against someone you want to please, you begin to feel anxious and weak in the knees. Knowing that this person would be very unhappy if you dont do what he wants you to do - even though you firmly believe that what he wants would not be right for you - you give in at the last moments just to keep him happy. All of your best planning and intentions to stand up for yourself fall flat, and you find yourself in a situation you did not want, resenting the person you wanted to please, and angry at yourself. Discouragement sets in, and you forget your path of change. Back to the old you. Easier said than done... but its not the amount of desire that leads to the accomplishment. Cheers, Henry *Pages 199-201 from my book Never Go Back: Ten Things Youll Never Do Again
Posted on: Tue, 24 Jun 2014 19:10:35 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015