Holton has become a beacon on light up here in the PICU unit. I imagine any day now a representative from UCLA will express to us the universities desire to change the mascot from a bruin to The Incredible Holt. I mean, what the hell is a bruin, anyway? I had to look it up. It means a bear, especially in childrens fables. Um, if Im reading this correct your mascot is the Berenstain Bears? Good luck with that. Luckily, I hail from a pedigree of solid mascots like a shark, an owl, a panther and a beaver. Ok, the beaver one is kinda odd but three out of four aint bad. Come on UCLA, get it together. #UCLAHoltons The reason Holts been such a positive force up here is simple: Hes doing really well. The flip side to that coin is that there have been a bevy of patients with tragic outcomes just in this unit alone over the past two months. From what were told, its been more than the whole hospital might experience over an typical six months period. Probably just uncanny timing but its truly devastating every time. Every. Damn. Time. Its hard to watch the parents go through the motions. You can see the look in their eyes when you pass them in the hall. Its almost impossible to not pass by the all-to-familiar scene of a doctor consoling a group of family members in the lobby. Telling them the next planned course of action. Family members with tear-soaked red eyes nodding as if they understand what the doctor is saying. They dont. The only thing they hear is that somehow theres a way for their child to live. Thats all the human brain is trained to understand. Fight or flight. All of these parents are choosing to fight. Theyre holding on to anything to make this nightmare go away. And too often this past month, the nightmare didnt go away but worsened. Thats why I walk straight to Holts room without looking into any of the glass-walled rooms along the way. Like I said before, I really want to say something to these grieving parents but I dont because, if Im being truly honest, I want to limit the amount of sadness I feel right now. You can only take so much sadness until it starts to break you down. We must stay positive because we are all on the front line of this shitty war our kids are battling. But the truth is, when a child is having issues or not responding well, the whole floor feels it. Eye contact or not, we feel it. We may not talk about it, but its obvious everyone feels it from the nurses to the doctors to the other parents and visiting family. Legally, the nurses and doctors cant talk to us about it, but it only takes a tilt of the head and a delicate squint of the eyes to understand whats happening. Now, whats happening inside Holtons room is a different story. A really happy story. Take a second to compose yourself.....good? Ok, listen up. Holton is doing great. Thats why hes the beacon of light on this floor. Doctors and nurses seem to be excited to enter his room. That is a great sign. They dont have to tell us how the labs came out or what the EKG reading was or if he had any seizures last night. I know the answer the second they step foot in his room now. We can see it on their face. I would destroy this staff in poker if they got a game together. In other incredible news, Holton is now 100% off of oxygen. His breathing is perfect. He has no IV drips any more. All his meds are given through a single line in his arm. The only other thing he has in his body is the feeding tube in his nose, but its very tiny. Holton needs to pass a swallow test before we can begin to nipple/bottle feed him again. Hell take that test some time next week and ace it. Doc says he can use his crib notes. (See what I did there?)
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 01:00:48 +0000
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