How Soon We Forget Hed thought hed make it, was sure of it, had made it so many times in the past. Everyone said he tempted fate, pushed his luck. Hed only smile, wink. Hed always been lucky. This dare-devil-may-care attitude drove Shiela crazy. Good thing shed not been with him tonight. It hit him like a sledge. Im never going to see her again! Images of their past, his past flashed before him. His life in stills, sometimes in color, sometimes in film, sometimes great globules of emotion flooding him, filling him up, a soggy sludge of hurt. There was no pain only warmth, wetness, the outside world getting smaller, closer, only memories remained – mostly. Regret. So many things hed meant to do, places to travel, things to achieve. Hed wanted kids. So had she. Life had only just begun, or so hed believed. He thought hed all the time in the world. Thought hed live forever. Never thought. What an idiot I am… was. The warmth was slipping from his grasp as if hed too many holes and couldnt plug them all. He could still hear the spatter of people somewhere, their voices muffled through the mangle of steel and iron enveloping him. The sear of burnt metal and fresh charred meat lingered acrid in his nostrils. At first, just after the train hit, it had stung like acid, though it too had faded. Soon hed forget it all-together, forget everything. Can you see him? Can you see him? Keith! Let me go, Ive got to see him. Let me go! It was Shiela. He could picture her face, her anguish, how much hed hurt her leaving her alone. A sob took him, blinding pain severed his tentative hold, his fingernail grasp on the now. For a moment, hed no idea how long, he was nothing, then inched back into himself. He tried to speak, to call her name. Nothing came. He was not sure if hed moved, not so much as a lip. So cold. They were working feverishly, had been for a while. He could hear them, barely. It should be loud but was nothing more than a din, a soft humming, a faint reminder that he somehow still clung to life, though not for much longer. Everything was fading, dwindling upon itself. He felt tugging, hands pulling, squishing him, squeezing him out. He tried to focus on her face – that too was fading, wisping away as if smoke on a soft breeze, then nothing. *** The slap was intense. He felt the cold upon his bared skin, the lights bright, blinding him. He held his eyes tight, clenched his fists purple-red against the intruding, abrasive elements, unwelcome, uninvited. What happened? – had happened? – was happening? Where was he? Who? Someone swathed him in a blanket, wrapped him in soft, soothing sounds. He welcomed the warmth, the sanctuary. He felt exposed, tiny, vulnerable. He was moving, being carried, coddled. The beautiful face of Shiela. Shiela? Why did he know that name? Who was she? Is she? Was she? Fading, fleeting, wisped away, now gone, lost from memory, replaced by a new face, big and shiny, smiling, loving eyes bore into him, his soul, grasped on to him, entwining him, would not let go, would never let go. Who was this? He felt her love saturate him, deluge his entirety, his soul, as if he belonged, had been expected, had known her forever, eternity, had been lost, now found as if they were one. Have you picked a name yet? He felt himself lowered to the outstretched arms of this new protector. Her heat felt familiar. He let himself go, let the tension release, set free the memories of the past. They drifted away with the last remaining stresses, the final unclenching of muscle, sinew, thought, residual traces of trauma rinsed clean. His consciousness waning, drifting, he felt content, the soft nubbin in his mouth filling him with sustenance, bonding them, fulfilling him. I think well call him Keith. MJR
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 00:41:23 +0000
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