How does one approach writing about their own psychological self-destruction? It is a query vexing me at the moment for, with regards to my autobiography, I have reached that period of my life. I want to be completely honest in this work; yet, I do not want to depreciate my own life story. The era of which I speak took place between December 1983 and August 1986. I have chosen to title this chapter after a song I composed during that period which was recorded by my group BitterSweet—“Bitter are the Winds of Change”. The chorus lyric provide a reference: “Run from me and shun my darkness / Flee from me and all this blackness / You could never hold a place inside a man who knows no light / For bitter are the winds of change”. During this time I was a complete bastard, immersed as I was in my own heartbreak. As a result, I caused anguish not only to my closest friends, but also to three wonderful women who attempted to nurse the wounded animal that I was. My bandmates found me intense, when in actuality I was pushing away the anguish of loss. Ultimately, it was that refusal to accept this condition that led to the group’s demise. Thus, at just past midnight on Friday, 29 August 1986, I left Los Angeles and all I had known for a sanctuary. I was escaping from a past whose grip would not loosen and I had to do something, anything, to break it. It had been a harrowing decision; but, that move turned out to be the best thing I did for myself. Just under two months after I had arrived in Kansas City, I met my amazing wife Bonnie—a woman who possessed the love and patience to help me put my life back together. That is the reason why I consider Kansas City my home: It saved my sanity; it provided sanctuary; and, it was here I found the courage and strength to put the part of my past behind me. I suppose I just answered my own question. It has been proven true that one cannot fully appreciate the view from the mountain top until you have traversed the valley below.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 23:28:14 +0000
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