How to Channel (a parody): Submitted by will on Tue, 03/11/2014 - 20:36 First, youll want to decide upon who you want to channel. For popularitys sake, its recommended that you choose an Archangel or Ascended Master as these will automatically get more attention. These are also a safe bet because these beings are unconditionally loving, so they wont get ticked off if you spout pure nonsense using their name. You may be tempted to channel your own Higher Self, and while thats best for your own personal evolution and getting connected to your own source of Truth, its not nearly as profitable as claiming to channel a being like Archangel Michael. People automatically trust a brand name theyre already heard of. Next, youll need a way to begin the messages, and for this I recommend Dear Ones. Im not really sure what the appeal is, but starting channelings this way is very trendy at the moment and going with current trends is a sure way to be popular. You may believe that parroting and repetition shows a lack of creativity, and youre right, but you dont need to be creative or original to channel. As far as content goes, I dont recommend just giving people raw truth. Thats not what most people want anyway, they want entertainment for their minds, they want a good story, they want hope for the future, not to focus upon the Present Moment. Promise amazing things in the near future, but be careful about using the word soon too much. A certain other channeler used that term way too much, and people started to realize they were being strung along. Dont be afraid to make predictions. Sure, you dont really know whats going to happen in the future, but people really like predictions. They want the false security of believing they know whats going to happen. A current trend is to make extremely vague predictions, like predicting something will happen, but not saying what it is. Since something is happening in every moment, youll always be correct. So what happens if you make a prediction, but it doesnt come true? No worries, this happens all the time with channelers, and theres a long list of pre-made excuses you can use: we switched timelines it really did happen but only true believers got to see it the prediction was metaphorical and people just interpreted it wrong it really did happen, but only energetically humanity wasnt ready yet If youre feeling creative, you can even invent new excuses, though the ones listed above are tried and true. You may be tempted to take personal responsibility, but part of the magic of channeling is that you never have to take any personal responsibility for what youve said, you can always blame it on the being youre channeling. Lastly, youll need to include at least a little bit of truth in your channelings. Something about Human Consciousness draws people towards Higher Truths, so to get people to believe something spiritual, youll have to include something true. Much like religion though, youll only need a tiny bit. If you dont have any personal connection to Truth, dont worry you, can still channel, just make sure to include some standard spiritual rhetoric like Believe in yourself within the messages. And thats it! Everything you need to know to channel! (Channeled from Archangel Michael, he made me write this) Please note that this is written as satire, though it is based upon many years of noticing patterns in channeled messages. There are many channelings full of good information, and theres also many channelings filled with pure fantasy. Please dont take this too seriously.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 07:33:48 +0000
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