* How to Handle Negative People * One of my mom’s best pieces of advice: “Hang with the winners.” This holds true in support groups (stick with the people who have the most sobriety), in college (find the peeps with good study habits), and in your workplace (stay away from the drama queen at the water cooler). Why? Because we actually become like the people we surround ourselves with. We take on their qualities, even as we see they are destructive. Negative people, in particular, prevent us from making positive changes in our life. Here, then, are some suggestions on dealing with a negative friend or relative in order to preserve your sanity. * The Conversation * In a media class I attended before a few public appearances, I learned the trick of ignoring the question and saying whatever I wanted to say anyway. So if the interviewer asked me, “Don’t you think depression is something that’s all in the head?” I would pretend I didn’t hear that and jabber on with my pre-rehearsed sound bites-- what you see in practically every political debate. Conversations with a negative person require the same skill. If someone begins down a dangerously negative path of conversation, you need to take the helm and ask them what the best part of their day was, or what achievement they are most proud of, or what their plans are for this evening. You may need to change the topic over and over again in order for the tone to stay positive. * Visualize Ear Plugs * If you’re not up to the task of changing the topic every five minutes, you could put in some imaginary earplugs to keep the negativity from absorbing into your being. It’s corny but it works. That’s essentially what I did at times when my kids were younger and I couldn’t take the bickering between them anymore. Instead of reprimanding and punishing them for the eighth time, I walked into another room and shoved a set of earplugs into my ears for the preservation of my sanity. To do so in front of a friend or relative might be a bit rude, but you can pretend you have a set clogging up your ear and keep from engaging in the conversation entirely. * Walk Away * There is, of course, the option of walking away, a task that is a bit challenging for my people-pleasing self. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. * Strategize * When the negative people happen to be relatives or in-laws with whom you spend a chunk of time, especially during the holidays, you are going to need to do some planning and strategizing before you get into the car or open your door. For holiday dinners you might want to stake out your place at the table—positioning yourself next to a safe relative—so that the two hours eating turkey don’t have to be painful. You might have a few conversation starters in mind in case the discussion goes south. For extended visits—overnight guests, etc.--you could fill the agenda with fun activities so that the chats over coffee are limited to a few hours. * Watch Your Attitude * It’s possible, of course that the negativity starts with you and is only fueled by the other person. We often project our own weaknesses unto the person across the table from us. Take an attitude check. Are your negative comments setting the tone? Are you contributing to the negativity in the conversation? * Nurture Positive Relationships * You won’t be tempted to spend as much time in negative conversations if you invest in some positive friends and catch whatever happy bug they have. You will automatically adjust your talk to meet theirs, and, just like learning a second language, will begin to speak more positively with little effort of your own. Says Clint Swindall in “Living For the Weekday”: “If you’re around someone with a cold, there’s a good chance you’ll catch the cold. What are you catching from the people around you? Do everything in your power to surround yourself with the right people.”-BeliefNet
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 20:53:51 +0000
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