I Am The greatest sentence ever spoken. The most definitive statement which holds so much power. Now lets see who I am... I am a sinner who has been redeemed. A man bound by the past others refuse to let go. Why would anyone let go when I keep reminding them though? I do it to show my hand, tell you exactly where I came from so you may ask for advice before traveling down the same road. Who I am is but a mere pawn in the game of life whose father is king. Now stepping out of the shadow of sin I can say if not by man I still know with my father I am forgiven. Just so that we are clear what you will hear is that which I have gone through but not what I am bound to. No longer am I convicted of these sins for I have been bore again. Before I tell you who I am let me refresh you on who I been. I was a son, the last of three, I was the most powerful due the the pain I endured and how I used it to push and elevate me. I used to lie for no reason just so people would not talk to me, now for nothing or no one shall my tongue curl and be bound by whats false I hold myself to honesty. See when you are honest people call it manipulation, saying oh its how you said it. No its not I gave all the details leaving nothing out, so now I understand when my mother would say you hear what you want to hear. I used to hide so I was not just another gimmick to others now I keep to myself knowing that if I do or dont I will be judged the same. I used to be filled with pride. That was before I realized no matter how much pride one has, pride leaves you alone at night. I used to steal. Stupid stuff too, things that never added to my life. Never money or anything important just things like yo yos and one CD player. Now for no reason will I allow myself or any near me to even take a pen thats not theirs. I am not saying I am better then anyone, I am just changed. I was tainted, I laid with a few women not for fun, enjoyment or even pleasure, I just wanted them to stop talking. So what better way then to put them to sleep? I was raised never let someone put their hands on you. So I was an equal opportunity giver of dont disrespect me. Afraid of nothing or no one I knew I had been given dominion over everything alive, so when I was shown that that they wanted to fight me for equal rights I made sure to treat them as my equals. I am not saying this was long ago yet also not saying it was yesterday. All I am saying is that when I was pushed to choose whether to walk away or step up I chose to walk away to justify why I stepped up. I apologize for those I hurt. I know there is work I need to do. I have given myself and my life to GOD that the transformation is completed. See I dont lie about anything, if you ask I will tell my testimony I overcame. So why if I say I lied, I stole, forecasted and abused before that I would hide lie about the hurt I caused you? I wouldnt. See I have not gotten to where I need to be but I refuse to quit. I deal with pain better then the wealthy deal with riches. U afraid to tell the story of what happened knowing if others tell it then it will be so convoluted. All those that were added, were not from I. For I keep my pain and hurt to myself. Not someone charity case nor story to gossip about. Others said I manipulated things, how when everything I was told does not go hand and hand with what I have seen. The lies that have been told on me is why I dont come around, if I show up it because I am called. I never just come for no reason. So I know I was set up from the beginning. I knew that I was talked about when not around then a friend when I was there. I was dedicated for over a year to someone that I apparently pushed away for I could not accept that they felt what they were shown. Still cheering for them as I was blamed and accused for everything even though no signs were shown. Anyone that condemns for nothing is one guilty for something. I knew I was being pushed away for I was not what was wanted but would do until availability came along. Told I wanted something else when confidentially my heart spoke only to have a mere instance become the fuel for every fight. Gathering my ammo of since this is apparently what I want but never went after what is this that you have here? They claim they can let go of something they dont care for, would not be a good fit, means nothing and that they used yet keeps running back to it. Anything I have let go of and erased has never returned and yet still its me. I am one that loves hard and shall push love to be better. One that shall never give up, one without fear. I am standing when everything has tried to tear me down. In this storm I feel the debris cutting through my soul, piercing my skin, digging through my heart to try to kill me. In the thick of darkness with my arms opened wide and my head dropped into the cavity of my chest standing at this CROSSroad, fighting alone I AM HERE!!! By Alexander Mac January 12, 2014
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 01:57:05 +0000
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