I am riding through the village on a bicycle, down narrow paths winding through bright green rice fields and Im flying down streets under a sun shower waving at the cows watching wide-eyed in the fields. I am moving my body all day and I hardly recognise myself. Other trips I was afraid of the chaos on the roads and of being active, those familiar thoughts would enter my mind I am too clumsy and Ill hurt myself, I am unfit and Ill never be strong but on this trip I dont listen. Ive been confining myself to this idea of who I am since I was in school. I am in the ocean, smiling into the bright sun and bursting through powerful waves to laugh on the other side. The sea and the sky is all I can see and I think this is Earth, this is life and I am completely present. On the shore I rub black sand into my silky skin in little circles. Alba and I have conversations about all kinds of things. She is silly and funny and kind-hearted like you wouldnt believe unless you knew her. At dinner we both sit with our notebooks, her drawing dozens of tiny circles for stars and me writing these words, sand still on our feet. This trip to Bali is different to every other. I have come here every year with M since we first fell in love, but this time I am single. We still spend a lot of time together as a family but we find our own feet and strength and somehow it all works. The fire that powers my creative work burns fiercely and I know in these next few months I will create more than I have in years. Just now I feel like I am lit from inside and it is such a good feeling I hold onto it tightly.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:11:43 +0000
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